voracious hunger, salt craving, and waking up nauseated… I dunno….. seems suspicious….

I did actually wake up nauseated, right now, around 5:00. I’m not horribly nauseated, but it was enough to notice it. It began upon waking up and moving my body around, shifting position, just like the apparent ‘hormone floods’ seem to do, as though my blood or lymph is pooling in one position because I stayed still for too long while sleeping, and as if suddenly this pool of blood / lymph suddenly moves to the liver to get metabolized. I’m just theorizing.

Yesterday at work I was having a LOT of trouble resisting the constant hunger, even though I made a deliberate effort to eat before work, and eat heavy foods including whole milk to make sure I got saturated fats. I would NEVER resist hunger, never, except the problem is, I’m at work, and we were extremely busy. It was not possible for anyone to take a break even for a couple minutes to eat something. I am not somebody who makes a habit of refusing to feed myself when I feel hungry. I always, always eat when I feel hungry.

I ate a piece of sushi which was leftover because we made it by accident, and while I was eating this piece of sushi, plain, which was rather bland, I suddenly was aware that I desired salt on the sushi. Salt? I never add salt to anything, although I do not avoid salt either, so I get a moderate amount of salt if the manufacturers have added it. I do sometimes add salt if I cook at home, but it depends – if I add some kind of premade sauce, there’s usually no need to add salt.

There’s a good reason why I go camping whenever I need to move out of an apartment. I haven’t gotten a single fucking reply to the emails that I have sent asking people about the apartments they have advertised. I need to have a day off so that I can try calling them on the phone instead of emailing.

I know that sometimes nausea happens if I don’t eat enough. I have had this happen before. I usually would prevent the nausea by making sure I ate enough earlier, and just make sure something was always in my stomach. I forget the circumstances under which I noticed this – it usually isn’t a problem. I had a couple incidents where (in the past, sometime, for some reason, maybe from herbal drugs? I forget) it seemed like I had low blood sugar, which caused me to feel nauseated a few times. During those times I only had to eat something and the nausea would stop. So I learned that blood sugar being too low can make me nauseated – it used to happen to my friend / boyfriend Peter who was diabetic, too, if his blood sugar went low.

I bought these tiny mandarin oranges at the convenience / grocery store in town, thinking they would be nice and sweet like Clementines. Nope! They are the foulest, sourest things I have ever eaten in my life. What the fuck! No wonder they marinate mandarin oranges in tons and tons of syrup and then put them into a can! They are simply fucking unfit for human consumption otherwise. I might as well go out and try to eat those even tinier little oranges, como se llama, how do you call it, doesn’t it begin with a K? It’s a bizarre weird fruit that nobody knows exists because they are so inedible nobody wants them. I might have to google it. Kumquats. You actually can eat the skin, supposedly, but you would cook them and put tons and tons of sugar into them. For all the sourness of these mandarin oranges it might as well be that.

So, I’m going to try to eat or drink something, maybe a little juice.

I’m not getting any fucking replies. And I am feeling an urgent need to leave this house. Mike has started doing this thing of not saying hello to me when I walk in the door late at night after work. I’m not sure what his problem is, but, I’m not paying rent, because a few months ago I offered to pay it and he said no, I should save my money for an apartment. I’m trying to look for a goddamn apartment and nobody will reply to my fucking letters. I HATE CRAIGSLIST. They might reply if I call but I can only do that on my day off.

The voracious hunger, being a problem at work: Yesterday, I was so hungry I was wishing and wishing that I could just get a positive pregnancy test result so that I could inform them that I had an actual reason why I needed to stop and eat no matter what. If I had a real excuse, then it would not merely be ‘I just need to eat because I’m just really, really hungry for some reason,’ which doesn’t get much sympathy, although there is a very kind, sweet, loving ESE-ESFj cook who seems to enjoy giving me food. He doesn’t mind doing it if we’re slow, but it was super, super busy yesterday.

I have to wait a while longer before I can get a positive test result. The tests don’t detect extremely low levels of the hormones. The instructions say to wait until a certain number of days have passed, maybe twenty days since you had sex. I had sex on the 19th. I forget where I read it, but something said it would be a week before you start to get nauseated, and it’s one week to the day, right now, the 26th.

Salt craving: No problem. I’ve read about the Brewer Diet, yet another one of the many alternative diets that are safe and effective for preventing some horrible symptom that mainstream medicine tells us is hopelessly incurable without their help. You can prevent preeclampsia, and I don’t know exactly what that is, but it’s something horrible that happens during pregnancy as a result of a couple of nutritional problems.

The Brewer diet recommends getting plenty of salt, because your salt needs increase, as you have to increase your blood volume, and it recommends eating fat, and eating eggs, including the yolks. I’m not planning on following the Brewer diet to the letter, but I will at least look at it for inspiration. The concept is similar enough to the Weston Price diet that they are compatible with each other and I can get the general idea.

I cannot follow either one or any special diet at the moment because I am still not cooking at home. My pots and pans are in the tent. And I am trying to leave this house. It would be hard to follow a good diet in the tent when I had no place to store food. I need to build a storehouse and workshop and set things up to dry my food so it’s safe at room temperature.

Oh, I’m eating sushi while pregnant. End Of World!!! You could kill the baby!!!! I don’t believe this. Supposedly, raw meat or raw fish while pregnant is the end of the world. You could get bacteria from that and the world would end. I don’t get bacteria from raw foods, but what I do get are parasites. However, these fish are totally farmed, probably – they’re not real fish. Real fish have parasites. These fish do not. They’ve been raised locked inside a box and fed soy and artificial color to make the flesh artificially look pink, or something. I don’t know what a fish farm looks like and it’s probably not outright ‘locked in a box,’ but it’s horrible from the photos I’ve seen. They keep them crowded. It may vary depending on the farm. I have indeed wondered though what a parasitic infection would do.

Anyway I wasn’t following any special diet because, as I had said, I cannot fight this war anymore. I cannot fight the war to get the kind of living conditions that I need anymore, to get myself settled enough, to get enough income, to get the kind of life I want without having some kind of disaster. I decided there was no future for me, and therefore, I might as well get an unplanned pregnancy with no control over the health of the baby and no control over my diet.

I can’t make the baby as healthy as I would have wanted to. I only did a couple things – I stopped all herbal drugs and stopped caffeine. I’m eating slightly better at this Korean / Japanese restaurant; however, they use vegetable oil, including in the soup. I would have wanted lard, and other animal fats, which I have never had the chance to experiment with and test – that was one of the thousands of things I cannot do in an unstable life with no place to put large amounts of food.

Ordering grassfed lard online means that I have to order a large quantity, to make the order higher than $100, if I recall. Or some number. It was enough that I might need a freezer for something. I had wanted to get the grassfed pemmican, for instance. It’s some big website which is one of the first google results for grassfed beef or grassfed meats. Grasslandbeef.com.

Ohhhh… my parents are going to flip… out… if I am pregnant for real. But I want to tell them. That was one thing I wanted. I wanted to inform my mother that I was having a baby, before she dies. That was important – before her death, I wanted to tell her I was having a baby. She’s getting old and she’s unhealthy. She could have an accident. She could get sick. I haven’t visited them yet this year and I really need to. They’ll flip out because I’m unmarried and have no means of support. Except food stamps, which I need to finish doing… on my days off… just like I need to hunt for an apartment on my days off. …. But, well, they’re just going to have to flip out and I’m going to have to face them, because I want them to know. It was important, very important. I did not want Mom to die without knowing that I was having a baby. I still don’t want her to die after that, but that one thing was important.

Doggone the two-week wait. That’s what they talk about in the trying-to-conceive forums. Two weeks before you can do a pregnancy test, two weeks before you can notice that your period did not start.

Pre-eclampsia – some kind of blood pressure problem. People always assume (including doctors) that if it’s blood pressure, then you have to fix it by avoiding salt. Wrong! The opposite of the truth. You need more salt, during pregnancy, to increase blood volume. That was the primary insight of Dr. Brewer. More salt, not less salt. Obey the salt cravings! They say, ‘Ohhh, you have high blood pressure, you have to stop all salt!’ But the high blood pressure is caused by malnutrition, and you need fat soluble vitamins, and more electrolytes including salt, potassium, and whatever other minerals and
electrolytes. It’s primarily a malnutrition problem. Drink plenty of water, too. That won’t be a problem – I’ve quit caffeine, so I am no longer dehydrated and losing electrolytes all the time.

I’ve been peeing a lot. The peeing is different – it’s a lot of pee and it takes a long time to finish. I get up in the middle of the night and pee A LOT. This has only been happening this week.

Am I really pregnant? I can’t know! I can’t be sure! I’m so eagerly waiting to take the test and see that it’s positive. I also want to tell Agustin if I get a positive result.

But then, we can’t count our chickens until they’re hatched. I have no idea if the baby will survive. It could die at any time, for any reason. I know not to take antibiotics while pregnant, though. A coworker from McDonald’s lost her baby because she took antibiotics for a bad cough that wouldn’t go away. The doctors were all like, ‘Woo, woo, no, it’s perfectly fine to use antiobiotics while pregnant… heh heh heh hehhhh,’ evil laugh. No warning whatsoever from the doctors. She lost her baby immediately after she started taking them.

I won’t even use any over-the-counter drugs, especially not
painkillers like Tylenol, which I never ever ever use anyway, but it causes … something, I forget what. It either causes autism, or it causes some specific symptom in the baby that I can’t remember. So does aspirin. I won’t use ibuprofen either. And not antacids – I never use any over the counter drugs anyhow. The only one I ever use is ibuprofen, and I only use it for one thing – menstrual cramps. Guess what doesn’t exist anymore when you’re pregnant! Menstrual cramps.

Just no drugs at all is the best rule to follow, and ZERO CUPS A DAY of coffee. I’m not even eating chocolate. It will make me crave caffeine more, because it contains theobromine and small amounts of caffeine. Theobromine metabolizes into caffeine at some point, inside your body. So does theophylline. It transforms into caffeine. I don’t recall where I read this.

Okay, I will post this. I can only wait another week or two, taking tests to prove it for sure, and observing symptoms.

I did have anger, and a little crying yesterday. It seemed like PMS. I didn’t snap at anybody, but I cried a little bit while walking home from the bus. I could still be premenstrual. I can only wait to see…..

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