i forget what I was going to blog about

I got distracted by a couple things when I went online. I had something specific I was going to say.

Oh, I know what it was. The title was going to be ‘the scourge of soy in Asian food’ or something. The Weston Price people are wrong. They say that soy is only safe to eat if it’s been fermented and processed in the old-fashioned, traditional manner. I disagree. Soy is never safe to eat under any circumstances, even if it’s processed in the traditional way. The Weston Price people have too much
tradition-worship – if it’s traditional, it must be safe. This is not always true. I believe soy can NEVER be processed in any way that will remove or destroy the estrogenic compounds well enough to prevent them from affecting people. I think that the reason why people say that Asian men aren’t attractive really is just because they eat soy, and for no other reason. If they would completely stop eating all soy, and all soy sauces, even if they’re fermented properly according to tradition and all that, then they would no longer be ‘yin’ and feminine.

I’m wondering what it is that makes Japanese people depressed. I was in a crying mood today. I had ginseng a couple days ago and probably went into ginseng withdrawal. I ate at the restaurant yesterday – pork belly was what I ate, and it was satisfying enough that it kept me from being hungry the rest of the day. It contains fat. It’s basically big, cooked chunks of belly fat.

Agustin. The problem with selfies. This is something that people do. They only respond if you send them pictures. They stop responding and refuse to answer, unless you send photos. This is an EXTREMELY ANNOYING BEHAVIOR and it happens even with my socionic duals – Rick DeLong was ‘rewarding’ me if I sent him any pictures of myself in email – he would ‘reward’ me by writing another blog post, although he wouldn’t write back to me directly. I have heard other people tell of this behavior – the one girl who was a facebook friend, I don’t even remember who it was, it was an acquaintance who I didn’t know very well – she said, ‘Well, look what the selfie dragged in,’ like ‘look what the cat dragged in,’ when someone comes crawling back to you after being gone. I can’t handle this behavior. I just cannot stand this. I do not want to be a fashion model. I do not want to take selfies. I don’t look good in pictures unless I get lots of light and if everything is just perfect. I have huge bags under my eyes that always make me look really ugly in photos. My face is ugly.

For some reason yesterday I was suddenly inspired to take a photo. I think I was under the influence of a drug. I didn’t have a hand held mirror, and I wanted to look at the back of my braid to see if I had done it properly. So I used my camera to photograph the back of my braid, and then I took a picture of my face, from an angle and with a lot of light, so that it somehow turned out to look not that bad.

Taking pictures is an extremely abnormal behavior for me, and almost always results from some kind of drug exposure. So, I don’t want to have to rely on an unnatural, abnormal behavior as the ONE AND ONLY METHOD of getting Agustin to reply, when I am constantly trying to eliminate drugs from my life. I don’t want to have to be drugged in order to get him to respond.

I hate it that I keep getting forced into these socionic mirage relationships. They are impossible. My feelings of affection for him were so strong, when he was working with me at Kaarma, when he was there, but it’s totally impossible to communicate with him long distance by means of texting, even if I write in Spanish – I know from experience that it makes no difference if I write the letters in the person’s native language, because I have done this before and I have been ignored by English speakers too, and all of them (no, not true – only some) were SEE-ESFp types. No, that’s not true – I’ve been ignored by other types – Rick was IEE-ENFp – my own goddamn dual is doing this behavior. ‘Nerdman’ in the chatroom was some weird type, maybe ILI-INTp or IEI-INFp, I’m not sure what he was, and he ignored me too – he’s the one who started it all.

This makes me HATE MEN. It’s not even one particular type who does this ‘ignore and destroy’ behavior, and ‘reward the naked photos’ behavior. IT’S *MEN*. MEN, MEN, MEN. I don’t feel it this much now, but yesterday, right after this happened, I hated men viciously. It would be easy to say that it’s only happening because this is a socionic mirage relation, but I have exceptions to that, and it even happened with a dual – IT… IS… *MEN*. It is extremely stupid, extremely cruel, horrible, horrible behavior that is EXTREMELY HURTFUL AND EXTREMELY TRAUMATIC to the victims. Ignoring someone who writes you hundreds, or thousands, of letters, then rewarding them as soon as they send a sexy photo.

I only sent photos in the past when I was being forced by mind control, and drugs, to do it, and the people out there who really want these photos are the NSA and mind controllers. Don’t let them manipulate you into being a puppet, a lure, a bait, to trick me into making these photos, me and every other victim. This is a game that the mind controllers play. Don’t be the puppet. The NSA and the hackers are the real winners here. They are using people and mind controlling people to make this happen, and they collect all the naked photos and enjoy them for themselves, including all the photos of children and teenagers who are sexting and playing this ‘ignore and destroy and reward’ game.

I wish Mike would turn the heat on, and shut that goddamn window downstairs. I shut the downstairs windows a couple weeks ago because it started to freeze at nighttime, and somebody opened one up again. I DO NOT WANT THESE FUCKING WINDOWS OPEN. I DO NOT HAVE A BLANKET. I DO NOT HAVE MY SLEEPING BAGS. I DO NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER THIS APARTMENT. I NEED MY OWN SINGLE APARTMENT *NOW*. They are not letting me get an apartment – the craigslist morons, the people who use it, the people who post ads on it – I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT ROOMMATES, NO ROOMMATES, NO ROOMMATES, how many times do I have to say it? I am so cold I can’t get out of bed, and all I want to do is sit in the bathtub so that my body can get warm. I have to get ready for work.

I am going to be working very, very long hours at Maki Yaki, but then I will have three days off. That was what I wanted. I don’t know when I will get my first paycheck though. I might have to wait a while. I couldn’t finish filling out the food stamps application, and will have to wait till my day off to do that.

Agustin – I have to be with him, close by, in person, in order to communicate with him and bond with him at all. I can’t rip him away from me – it hurts just to forget him. And I have no photos of him. It isn’t as simple as ‘just let him go’ like the goddamn fucking voices in my head (some of them) say. The voices are conflicted, with some saying one thing and others saying another thing.

I don’t know – am I in withdrawal from something, from ginseng, from something else? Is it because I ate a small amount of soybean paste yesterday with my meal? I need to know if soybeans cause me to get into a bad mood.

One Response to “i forget what I was going to blog about”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    ,,.If you listen to…

    Why I took tia away..




    WTF OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This is what her mother gave her as a tenth birthday present!!!!!!!!!

    My daughter now lives in the outskirts of this because of YOU!


    The Guatemalan neighbor insulted me and robbed me while I was trying to help him!

    I was told by his son ED that he had raped his step sister and was on the run, after I knew he had robbed me.

    I know now why I hated their football!

    *) 1971 a child tried to tell!
    ;-( 1976 again a kids soul died….

    1998 they retired the rapist with a key to the toilet!
    Disappearing DA!

    A girl from china cost 50,000 I was told by the Nicaraguan!

    Funny how he has given me the “silent treatment”, just like Dan Nedigh (sp?) Dan Dan the peeping man!

    Dan raped one of the bridesmaids at my wedding while they where kids. Harry the Rhohypnotist enjoyed her cleavage at the wedding and I believe afterwards she married a PA State Trooper….

    Nicaraguan… floor cleaner brags about sex with a Chinese prostitute, and the after quoting a price for purchase ($50,000), suddenly can’t speak a word of English?

    KAT Woods and Amanda Joy WHERE ARE YOU NOW!!!!


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