Dealing with traumatic job loss – much easier when caffeine free

11:21 AM 9/14/2016

I’m taking a break from filling out a form. I’m applying for food stamps. I attempted to apply several months ago, but that was on the very same day that I got the job at Kaarma. So I was unable to complete the process of getting the food stamps because that’s when every waking minute of my free time was taken away from me.

‘They’ have forced me to believe that my coworkers were reading my blog. The only one who might actually have hacked my phone and/or read my blog, or read anything by me, was Arturo – he often behaved suspiciously. I was tricked into thinking Agustin read my blog. The purpose that serves is to give me a false sense of security – oh, I don’t need to bother explaining anything to Agustin, he’s already reading my blog with google translate and he already knows everything about me!

The voices in my head respond to the things I say in my blog, telling me that Agustin doesn’t like it if I say this or that, for example, if I say that he’s my socionic mirage relation instead of a dual and therefore I anticipate particular long-term difficulties in the communication styles, but not such terrible difficulties that it would necessarily cause disaster – when I talk about socionics like that the voices object to it and they tell me Agustin doesn’t like it.

But I doubt he’s ever read anything other than my paper notes and the texts that he got before we were blocked. I can delude myself into thinking that everything is okay because Agustin is reading my blog, so he already knows all about what’s going on.

Jesse had a difficult time period in the army, and I’m not sure what was going on, but he called me once and said he was feeling delusional and confused about what was real, and he said that he had started believing that I, Nicole, was somehow watching over him and knew everything he was doing. I assured him that no, I am clueless and I know absolutely nothing about what is going on in his life.

Agustin might be experiencing something like that. He might think I’m not answering his text messages. It occurred to me that perhaps he, too, is being forced to believe that I’m just ignoring his text messages, rather than being blocked and not getting them at all. Everyone is vulnerable to mind control, whether they know they are being attacked or not.

********
Anyway, I’m filling out this food stamps form, and had to take a break. But the stress level that I’m experiencing is NOWHERE NEAR the stress level I normally experience from doing paperwork. I am taking a break because there was a question I couldn’t answer, but my feeling of tension and anxiety, and that feeling that I absolutely cannot continue doing this because it is unbearable – those feelings aren’t happening. And the reason is because I AM CAFFEINE FREE.

I can fill out paperwork and get more things done, for real, in the real world, when I am cold turkey caffeine free. Caffeine distorts your brain so much, and completely alters how you experience stress and pain, that it actually makes it HARDER for you to do certain things. You might be able to do large amounts of physical labor with caffeine, if it’s automatic physical labor that doesn’t require anything new or unusual or unexpected or any actual thinking. If someone is telling you what to do, yeah, maybe you can get more done with caffeine. Maybe caffeine makes you more obedient. But it doesn’t help you cope with those small, low-level stresses of unexpected things, such as filling out paperwork and not knowing the answer to a question.

This is only the first day after I got the text message from Freddy saying that they hired a, quote, ‘full time’ (as in, 60 hours which is full time plus twenty hours of unpaid overtime). It’s the first day since that trauma, but I am already responding productively by filling out paperwork and doing tasks. Normally it might take me weeks to respond to a trauma, and I would have wasted those weeks doing obsessive activities such as fooling around on the internet, in denial about the fact that I needed to apply for food stamps. (Taking a break for a while to write a blog doesn’t count – I’m going to get back to work on it later. I can feel that there is no stress and no overwhelming anxiety, terror, or pain about the fact that there was a question that I have to find the answer to.)

When I said that I had the feeling that I was lost and didn’t know what my goals were, that was actually BEFORE I got the text message from Freddy about him hiring another dishwasher.

I really, really need to argue against the ‘one cup a day is okay’ proponents – including Dr. Mercola. Some commenters said that a long time ago, he was completely opposed to caffeine, but then changed his mind. The, quote, ‘research,’ says that one cup a day is okay, but that research is sponsored by corporations that make money by selling coffee, just as all research is untrustworthy.

This research is based on the ‘antioxidants are good for you’ garbage. In the future, the ‘antioxidants’ stuff is probably going to be proven to be a bunch of hype. Antioxidants are in almost everything, and so millions of people are saying ‘random food x is good for you because it contains antioxidants! Wine is good for you! Coffee is good for you! They come from plants, therefore they contain antioxidants, therefore they are good for you! The goodness of antioxidants is so hugely good that it overwhelms the badness of other factors! Who cares about alcohol and caffeine! Who cares about tobacco – tobacco contains antioxidants too! Smoke up! Get your daily dose of antioxidants from your vegetable-based cigarette! Get your serving of leafy greens from your tobacco!’ Why isn’t anyone saying that, if it’s okay to claim that coffee and wine are good for you because they are plant-based and therefore contain antioxidants? Tobacco IS a green leafy vegetable, is it not? Therefore, it can do no wrong!

Coffee – One cup a day distorts your brain for longer than 24 hours. It makes major brain and personality changes. By the time you’ve gotten it out of your body and gone back to normal, you’ve already had your next day’s cup again and refilled yourself with caffeine. You never withdraw from it if you have one cup every 24 hours. This means that those brain changes and personality changes are permanent – they never come undone until you completely stop caffeine for a long period of time, long enough that all of it is gone and your brain begins to physically heal and physically grow new neurons and new connections. It makes MASSIVE CHANGES that are LONG LASTING, even one cup a day.

Anyway, I am coping with stress and trauma much better without caffeine. I know I will still get cravings and urges for a long time now. I anticipate that. Sometimes it’s triggered by some other food that I ate – I was noticing that if I ate mint flavored candies, I would get a coffee craving that was extremely strong afterwards. Who knows why? I don’t know.

I’m not having hot flashes anymore now that I’m not drinking coffee. So much for one of the most annoying problems of menopause! If a cup of coffee gives a woman a hot flash, doesn’t that indicate that it contains a dangerous hormone-like substance interfering with her hormone system?

I need to realize that Agustin isn’t reading my blog. Poor Agustin has absolutely no idea what is going on. The only way he can know is if I tell him.

I do have to go in later and pick up my money for last week. I almost forgot – I was so busy filling out this form.

I might spend a few minutes reading the news or random things before I go back to working on the form. But the point is, I am handling this trauma much, MUCH better now that I am caffeine free. I am already responding to the trauma by taking action and doing something that I normally hate, filling out paperwork. I still don’t like it, but it isn’t the overwhelming screaming torture that it normally was when I was super-caffeinated.

I’m angry about all those years that I wasted being forced to stay addicted to caffeine and forcibly prevented by the mind controllers from quitting it. I would try to quit it and then they would often suggest it later on, or at least prevent me from feeling committed to quitting. The only thing that stopped me was thinking I might be pregnant. Thank you Agustin for this one thing, even though it was unintentional.

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