the voices, continued. And a ‘Drone UFO’ – two sightings

I call it a ‘drone UFO’ because it is technically a UFO – unidentified flying object – I don’t know for sure exactly what it was. But it behaved like I would expect a small radio controlled drone to behave. It didn’t move at extremely high speeds, but at a slow, moderate speed. It did have flashing lights. The lights flashed in an unusual pattern that made me unsure what it was – it seemed abnormal for flashing airplane lights. Then it stopped, hovered, and changed direction. This was in the last week or so – I saw it twice in the same general location, as though it belongs to somebody in a house near there. It was at night. It was below cloud level.

So, they keep adding things that they want me to write on the note, but since I don’t have much time, I can’t really do it. The tobacco residues give me a false, temporary confidence with Spanish, which will disappear as soon as the tobacco is cleaned off. I took a shower today but I am going to be wearing clothes that are probably contaminated and touching things. I need to wash the backpack too.

They want me to tell him about what’s been happening to me – the electronic weapons and hackers. They also want me to apologize for blaming Arturo, because while he might very well be spying on the phone, he isn’t the only hacker on earth, and also, everyone is able to be mind controlled.

I don’t know how I will give him the note. That one day when I told him I wasn’t pregnant, I was either lucky, or ‘they’ arranged it, for me to find him in exactly the right place at the right time so that it would be easy to quickly approach him and tell him something without anybody noticing. I have to do the same, just a quick pass by him to hand him the note, which will be huge if I keep adding things to it.

I think this is tobacco induced, but, I feel as though I can construct some very simple sentences in Spanish without a translator, and they are worth saying – not out loud, but in writing. I already could say stupid and pointless things in simple sentences, but now I feel I have enough words to say things that I actually care to say.

There’s a problem I’m noticing – everyone learns the same words in each other’s language, so, the words that they know in English are the same words I know in Spanish. They can say ‘sorry’ and ‘excuse me,’ and I can say ‘perdon.’ They can say ‘hot,’ and I can say ‘caliente.’ So if I really feel like saying the water is hot, I’m tempted to just say the easier word, ‘hot,’ instead of a difficult and unfamiliar four-syllable word. Who makes a four-syllable word to say something of great importance that could be an emergency? By the time you get to the second syllable, the person has already stuck their hand in the water before they know what you’re saying. Everyone knows what I mean when I say ‘hot.’

Therefore, speaking their language has a different purpose – to convey respect, to show that you belong with them, that you are one of them. It is for that reason only. They understand if you speak particular words in English, but using their language instead shows that you feel you are one of them, or that you want to be one of them.

Anyway, now I’m being tortured by the voices every day, wondering if I’m going to give him a note or give up on him altogether and let him go forever, never to see him again. Wondering what kind of
relationship I should try to have with him. Wondering if he wants me at all, and if I should tell him anything sexual or loving in the notes instead of writing neutral notes. Wondering if he needs me or wants me at all.

I have to get ready for work. It’s so frustrating – I have three more days until I am off again, and every waking moment of these days I will be doing work-related things. I enjoy the studying of the language and want to spend a lot more time working on the grammar book – it’s very enjoyable. Many people would not understand how I could enjoy studying grammar, but I do.

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