I want to test giving him a new phone

I would buy two new phones, paying for them with cash, tracfones, cheap smartphones. Then I would give one to him. I would send him text messages on it, after I activated it for him in advance, from my own new phone. So he would see the text messages already there. I would tell him not to use it for anything else, such as signing into email – he would not use any apps on it, but would only use it for texting me, and he would use his old phone for all other activities. Then I would see if we were able to text each other again at least temporarily before we got blocked.

I do feel pretty sure we are being blocked and I am not merely being ignored. He did have a two-way conversation with me in the beginning and he clearly, definitely, openly, seriously, very much wanted to be with me. He asked for naked pictures, he asked me quite a few times to clarify that yes, I do want to have sex, I do want to be together with him, I want him with me, he asked for a picture of me sticking my fingers into my vagina – I reread these messages. But after that first batch of messages, it was blocked.

The next day, I saw Arturo’s facial expressions change. Note: I am not blaming all the hacking in the world on Arturo. I was hacked long before I knew him, those hackers are still here, I will be hacked long after Arturo is gone, because hackers are everywhere and the NSA hacks everything too. There are millions of people hacking my computer. However, Arturo’s facial expressions behaved as though he had seen everything that had happened in the messages, the next day. And then, later on, not that day but days later, I heard him say something like, ‘Oh, your love isn’t answering you? Awww.’ The ‘aw’ sounded insincere and sarcastic, although I could be mistaken because the ‘music’ of their expressions is slightly different – they say the word ‘oh’ for instance, but it’s pronounced differently, more like ‘ooh’ almost. So maybe their ‘aw’ sounds insincere to me just because a Spanish ‘aw’ is not the same as an English ‘aw.’ But I felt that it was suspicious that he was showing me odd facial expressions after I texted Agustin and then sounding insincere when he expressed compassion about Agustin’s love not responding to him anymore. He then often behaved strangely after I texted Agustin, but this could be electronic mind control – he could be a puppet, being forced to behave strangely, being forced to express anxiety.

I guess I will get ready to go on the bus. I can feel that I’m still covered with tobacco. I didn’t take a shower and I should wash all the clothes I was wearing. I will be drinking a lot of half-and-half because it’s a food substitute. It keeps me from being hungry. Unfortunately, it’s cooked milk, not raw, so I am not getting all the nutrients I should be getting from it. But I am finding organic half and half at least.

Yeah… I’m covered in tobacco. I feel it.

Those text messages need to be saved and stored elsewhere, because they are precious. They are my reality check. He wanted me – a lot. He fucked me in a bathroom. It happened. I thought I was pregnant for weeks and weeks and then finally got my period (in the future). I know – this is real.

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