I laid down, slight improvement

Tjatsthe result of qjitring caffeine

Wow, um, okay, autocorrect can’t help me when I type at maximum speed.

That’s the result of quitting caffeine. I pay attention to how my body feels now that I am no longer dosing myself with a painkiller drug (caffeine). I can feel now that something is wrong, a malaise. I feel loneliness and despair. The voices tell me Agustin wanted to marry me, then tell me they were lying about that. Agustin’s secrecy is extremely strong – he barely acknowledges me in anyone else’s view, but fucked me in a bathroom when no one was around. He would indirectly comment to me in the kitchen.

Oh, I have to go eat. The pain of missing him is there, in my chest. It mixes with other pain, as I am always in pain. There is a hunger for food, but I feel it as a hunger for him. There is a fatigue, but it feels like being tired of a world without him. My sensations and my emotions are indistinguishable.

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