correos, correr, coffee (no more), and ginger

correos, or correspondence: I did finally get that note handed over. The word correos must have something to do with running or moving something from one place to another, similar to correr, which also means to run. correr: I accepted a wonderful gift. Coffee – cold turkey, starting yesterday. It is gonna hurt like hell. No coffee, no Coke, no tea, and maybe the least I will do is eat that chocolate bar that I bought yesterday, but no more after that. So, no chocolate. How in the world will I live without coffee? I have absolutely no idea how.

Last, ginger. It will soon be the top priority task, to find some, dried, and I know I like the sweetened candy kind with sugar on it. I’m already flooding with hormones. That feels like a tickly sensation in my abdomen, brain, and throat. I woke up in the middle of the night, and got up to go to the bathroom and let the cat in, and after lying back down, I am already feeling the potential to start vomiting. It’s a vomit inducing hormone. It seems to be doing something to my digestive system. There was a sensation like I was going to have diarrhea, maybe, but that hasn’t happened yet. There is a sensation that something is ‘swirling’ around inside me, as though it’s in my lymphatic system, something tickly that moves around through my whole body like a liquid.

But the reason I can observe this is because it isn’t a surprise – I know exactly what triggered it to happen, and made no effort whatsoever to fight or resist or stop that thing from happening, the way that I used to do all of these decades in the past. There is a time for perfectionism and there is a time for surrender. I have no plans, I have no idea what I will do. Except I do vaguely have some ideas forming in my head about what is going to happen, next May, in 2017, if it goes well. If it doesn’t go well then I think it might happen again. I am already imagining what things are going to happen in the months between now and then. I will have to start taking photos of my body in a full length mirror nude. My imperfect, nearly broken body that was losing hope.

To just take things for granted: yes, of course this is what we’re doing, no questions asked – that’s different. Some countries are not yet brainwashed by the depopulation campaign. Never was I with someone who just assumed, well, here we go, on the very first try. Not even able to talk to each other in the same language.

Today, tomorrow – ginger, it will be an emergency. And constant food, and the agony of caffeine withdrawal, cold turkey. Even the smallest amount of caffeine causes massive, permanent damage. Although, that chocolate bar – it was all melted, still in the wrapper – I’ll let that one slide, I’ll eat that one and then nothing else after that.

It is a new project.

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