partial caffeine withdrawal; the loss of beautiful songs

I’ve decided that switching over to homemade coffee did indeed trigger a partial caffeine withdrawal. I am either getting a different form of caffeine, or just less of it. I also think there’s something in freshly ground coffee, or in a freshly opened pack of ground coffee, that is vaporized into the air which vanishes quickly after it sits there for a day or two, which is why the coffee is strong on the first day and weak every other day later on.

Despair comes with caffeine withdrawal. If I withdrew completely, I would feel even greater despair. Despair is not a permanent state, but rather a temporary stage of withdrawal. I would love, love, love to do complete and total caffeine withdrawal.

If I can remember to do this, I’m going to do experiments with washing the dishes in the washer without spraying them first. I don’t like to put them on the left sink and spray them there, for a couple of reasons.

1. There is (or was – I ruined it) a little drain cover that doesn’t even work at all. It’s this thing that doesn’t fit inside the drain. All of the drains are hopelessly badly designed. All drains for such a sink need to be much, much larger in their filter area. These drains are like three inches across, but they need to have a filter area that is like at least one foot across. It must have multiple filters that are removable, followed by one internal final filter that isn’t removable that holds it all in place. The filters must be below the level of the bottom of the sink, with an edge that projects outwards over the inside of the filter, so that stuff doesn’t go around the outside edge between the filter and the sink. It is unthinkable that all sinks have this pathetically horribly inadequate filter design, and that nobody seems to know how to design a proper filter that actually does its job. We had problems with the grease filter at McDonald’s. I am not an engineer. I am a woman. I am the inferior sex. I am a mere underpaid peon. Therefore, all of my understanding of how a filter works and how to properly design a filter must be all completely wrong.

Anyway, the filter has to have multiple stages, and they must be a certain distance apart. If they are too close together they back up. If there isn’t enough space they back up. If their area is too small they back up. This pathetically small drain instantly clogs with garbage the moment you start cleaning anything big. If you remove the tiny, tiny drain cover and dump it out, stuff goes down the drain while you are dumping it out. If you put it back on, you now have a bunch of stuff underneath the drain cover, and then, also, the drain cover itself instantly clogs back up again and has to be dumped out over and over and over. You eventually give up on using the fucking drain cover and just sit there pushing your fingers into the drain to make all the stuff go down because the drain cover is utterly useless. If you do not clean out all the stuff in the bottom of the sink then it continuously gets your dishes dirty while you are washing them, putting chunks of goo back on them as you are trying to rinse chunks of goo from other places.

The stages of the filter must get progressively smaller, so that the smallest particles are filtered out last. The grease filter at McDonald’s jumped from a filter with huge holes directly to a filter with very small holes, and would continuously clog up with medium sized particles. The filters in that thing did not have enough space height between them, causing clogging and backflow. I can understand it if I am looking at it but I don’t remember all the details right now.

So, the drain below the sprayer side, where I am ‘supposed to’ put the dishes and then spray them with the sprayer: It has a cover (which I destroyed and cannot fix, because I was trying to find a way to make it actually fit inside the drain so that stuff doesn’t just go under the edges of it) which is made out of a screen. Around the edges of the screen, sharp pointy metal wires were sticking out, so that if I tried to use my finger to clean away the chunks of food, I would poke my finger, which I did not enjoy, especially since it was in a filthy sink full of food and water and bacteria and mold left at room temperature for eternity.

The sprayer does not point sideways. I cannot spray the bottom edge of the dishes, only the exposed top edge. The chunks of food do not fall through the tray, but remain there to go into the dishwasher. Only some of the chunks fall through.

If you wash the dishes the way I was told to do it, spraying them inadequately from one side, ignoring the opposite side of the dishes which has lots of stuff on it too, then the dishes go into the washer and do not get clean at all. This is the real reason why I was told that I also have to dry off the dishes with a towel one by one while taking them out – not merely because they have water on them (which is only part of the problem), but because they are going to be covered with huge chunks of food and sludge that hasn’t been washed off, because, as my mother told me long ago, there aren’t any little people running around inside the dishwasher spraying in between all the dishes. So you have to make sure that the sprayers inside the dishwasher are able to hit the places that are covered with sludge. Most people assume that the little magic people inside the dishwasher will magically run around and go between dishes that are completely stuck together with no space in between them.

So if you let the dishes come out of the washer still covered with sludge, and then let them dry, they will dry with rock-hard pieces of food attached to them. So you’re supposed to wipe them with a towel. I prefer to make sure they are actually washed first before I put them in.

However, I’m willing to consider doing some experiments where I do a lousy, shitty, half-assed job of spraying the dishes before putting them into the washer, letting the magic people in the washer do all the work. I might run them through the washer multiple times.

I need to engineer my own appliances and my own sinks and my own computer programs, because I hate everything that everyone else has produced. I hate the fact that the people who design sinks keep designing them in a bad way that doesn’t work, forever and ever, merely because that’s always how they’ve been designed. I don’t like pointless innovations and constant changes either, but rather, if something doesn’t work then it needs to be designed differently, not just ignored and kept that way forever. Design changes must serve an important purpose, which is functionality and ergonomics. Does it do what it’s supposed to do? Is it easy to use? Do you even know why it’s designed a certain way? Do you know the purpose? It needs to be questioned.

Beautiful songs. I was talking about running themes in my life, such as the instant ruining of an appliance immediately after I buy it. Another theme has been that I will hear a beautiful song once, then never, ever, ever hear it again. It lets me know that beautiful songs exist and they are out there somewhere, but I don’t have enough time to realize that I like this song and write it down so that I can hunt for it, partly because I’m assuming that I’ll just hear it again sometime – only, I don’t. Ever.

I swear this happened at the restaurant. I had only just started working there. I don’t know what music we were listening to. All of the music is in Spanish and it seems to come from various people’s playlists, depending on whose phone it is. There was this one time when Carlos said that he liked this particular song. It just so happened that I really liked the song too. It had these beautiful melodies and skip intervals. Skip intervals are associated with intuition. I started humming along with the melody by the end of the song. The fact that two Delta ST’s, Carlos (LSE) and myself (SLI) both liked a song suggests that it might have been a Delta NF song. I never, ever heard that song again and have absolutely no clue what it was.

It wasn’t just that one time that this happened. It happens a lot. Or else, I just never even encounter the beautiful songs, but I know they are out there. If I could find them, then I could find soulmates. I could say, ‘Do you like this or that piece of music? If you agree with me that this piece of music is great, then you understand how I feel about the universe.’ I think that is the reason why I am being prevented (by mind controllers) from finding songs that I love the most. Nakrivich! No good music is allowed!


I do like the Spanish music more than the unbearably horrible music I was forced to listen to all day at McDonald’s. For one thing the Spanish music often has beats of three or six, which is unthinkable in (what is that word: Yankee, gringo, USAsian, UStatean, whatever) ‘our’ music. Only a tiny minority of songs in ‘our’ music ever use beats of three or six. It is perceived as old fashioned, or waltzy. However, in reality, this is the best music to dance to. The fact that music that encourages dancing is being shunned and frowned upon fits with my claim that we are not supposed to dance. We are living in the movie ‘Footloose.’ I forget everything about that movie except that it was illegal to dance or something. It feels that way, for real. Unistatian music.

I have a problem with youtube. Often, I add songs to my list, only to have the video get deleted. It leaves me with no idea what that video was, because even the title is gone. Why can’t it at least keep the title of the video listed there so I know what was lost so that I can go look for it again? What if it was a special song and I can’t remember what it was?

I am in partial caffeine withdrawal. If only I could make the caffeine withdrawal complete, I would become human again. However, I would also become a failure at life, and I would need to get on welfare because I would become unable to support myself by working at a job. I did try several times in the past few years to quit caffeine while continuing to work. I remember I was able to do it for a while but the intense craving was unbearable. For the Frequently Suggested Solutions (similar to a FAQ), I need to say: drinking decaf coffee and drinking tea are both unacceptable solutions. Decaf coffee contains a lot of remaining caffeine and other substances. It only continues to trigger more cravings for coffee. I want to be 100% cold turkey caffeine free, no tea, no chocolate, no decaf coffee. Tea is unacceptable too. Tea causes constipation, tonsil stones (little white things stuck in the holes in your tonsils), and tooth cavities. And it contains caffeine along with other caffeine-like substances which are also forbidden – theobromine and theophylline. I don’t want those substances either.

Anyway I would always go back to drinking coffee after being off it for several days and going into a state of utter despair. I would need some kind of support to get me through the stage of total despair. Then I would need a constant reminder: It is NEVER OKAY to drink EVEN ONE cup of coffee, for the rest of your life. That is the same approach I use with alcohol. It is never okay to drink even one glass of alcohol. It is never okay to smoke even one cigarette. It is never okay to drink even one caffeinated soda. It is never okay to drink one cup of tea. I would need a lot of support with this.

I would need such support with this principle that I would continue to be supported, even as I became disabled and unable to work due to chronic fatigue syndrome. I would fail to get out of bed every day, and would still be forbidden to use caffeine even so. I would need such strong support that someone would tell me, it’s okay to fail. It’s okay to be disabled. It’s okay to be unable to work at a job. Society enslaves us, and that is wrong and evil. We are not supposed to have ‘jobs.’ We are hunter gatherers and we are supposed to get our own food ourselves, not buy it at a store in exchange for money. I would need someone to keep telling me every day, it’s never okay to drink even one cup of coffee, even if you lose your job, even if you lose all of your jobs, even if you become so disabled by chronic fatigue that you can never have a job again as long as you live. That is what I should have done from the beginning, twenty years ago, when the mind controllers, the voices in my head, broke my sacred law that forbade me to use caffeine in any form, chocolate, soda, tea, coffee, guarana, or anything else.

Without caffeine, my entire personality will change.


2 Responses to “partial caffeine withdrawal; the loss of beautiful songs”

  1. nebbie916 Says:

    Speaking of theobromine, you also say that there is a limit on how much a human can safely consume. This, and the toxic and lethal doses of theobromine for humans is rarely mentioned on the Internet. If you search theobromine toxicity on the web, it points mostly to dogs, because they are among the species most susceptible to theobromine and, because of their eating habits, they are most realistically likely to be and mostly commonly poisoned by chocolate. But just because we humans can usually eat it safely doesn’t mean there isn’t a threshold.

    Details about and research on theobromine poisoning in other animals (like cats, rats, mice, voles, bears, horses, pigs, and parrots) is much more scarce than in dogs. Most veterinarians are far more knowledgeable on canine care than that of other animals. Therefore, the same principles that apply to dogs are often applied to other animals, like cats and rats.

    Elimination Half Life of Methylxanthines in Humans
    Theophylline: 20-36 hours
    Theobromine: 6-10 hours
    Caffeine: 3-6 hours

    The LD50, or the dosage required to kill 50% of those of a given species exposed, of theobromine in humans is 1000mg or 1g per kg of body mass. The average human being is around 75 kg (165 lbs). So the lethal dose of theobromine for humans is 75,000mg or 75g.

    Amount of Theobromine
    Milk Chocolate: 200 mg per 100g; 1000mg or 1g per 500g
    Dark Chocolate: 700 mg per 100g

    Well, 100 grams equals 100,000 milligrams.

    Milk Chocolate)
    1) 100,000•75,000=7,500,000,000
    2) 7,500,000,000 divided by 200=37,500,000
    3)37,500,000mg equals 37.5
    Answer) 37.5kg of milk chocolate

    Dark Chocolate)
    1) 100,000•75,000=7,500,000,000
    2) 7,500,000,000 divided by 700=10,714,285.7
    3)10,714,285.7 rounds to 10,714,286
    4) 10,714,286mg equals 10.714286
    5) 10.714286 rounds to 10.7
    Answer) 10.7kg of dark chocolate

    Some sources says that an average person would have to eat 37.5 kg (82.5 lbs) of milk chocolate or 10.7 kg (23.54 lbs) of dark chocolate to reach the toxic dose. Other sources say that it takes 22lbs of the stuff to kill a human. Humans, especially the elderly, can occasionally experience serious effects from consuming large quantities, but humans can generally eat normal amounts safely.

    So that 90 pounds of chocolate that killed those 4 black bears in northern New Hampshire is very likely enough chocolate to kill a human as well.

  2. Nicole Says:

    Wow, I don’t recall if I heard the story about black bears being killed by chocolate. I will.have to look that up!

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