the other theme: ruining a new love relationship before trust develops

That theme is far more sinister to me than the damaging of appliances, which is merely annoying. Much greater emotional trauma has happened to me over the years, when the attackers bring me together with a new person to fall in love with, or get a crush on, and then they do something to rip us apart, causing trauma and distrust and suffering, right in the beginning before we have even had a chance to develop any trusting bond between us. A trusting bond will develop if I get the chance to have a lot of physical contact with someone, but it probably has to happen more than once – with the Martin incident years ago, I only hugged him one time and trust never developed – we were being very severely manipulated and I was unable to communicate with Martin. I felt very afraid of what would happen with Agustin because he slightly reminded me of Martin. But I am less contaminated now and so my moods and emotions are much more stable – I don’t do things as crazy as what I did back then.

This incident with Agustin, where we started texting each other for one night, and then all of a sudden he stopped answering – EVEN RIGHT NOW, I DO NOT KNOW. I do not know whether Agustin himself is choosing to ignore me because he doesn’t want to text me, or whether we got hacked and somebody is preventing the text messages from going through. I DO NOT KNOW. I REALLY, SERIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW. That is why I am still very hesitant and very hurt, emotionally, and why it’s still so painful to look at him or talk to him – is he ignoring me because he doesn’t want to talk to me? Is he ignoring me because he doesn’t want us to try to spend any more time together – not even hanging out and watching television together or something? Not even that? but no. This is a typical incident, just like many more incidents that have happened to me during these years when I’ve been targeted. It’s even possible that Agustin is physically capable of sending me text messages, but the mind controllers are preventing him from deciding to do it. It could be anything. I still do not understand and I am still emotionally very traumatized, especially after years and years of the same, repeated trauma. I know exactly what to expect. I have seen it all happen before. I am terrified that something will happen, like I will be forced to stalk him for years and years, trying to send messages to him that are never answered. I’m terrified of that kind of thing.

It was Jesse who changed that pattern. I was forced to keep trying to reach Jesse, and I succeeded, although it was at great cost – I think he only came to me because his grandmother died.

Anyway… I am still very, very traumatized, which is why I still cannot just cheerfully and happily enjoy the hours that I spend with Agustin. I should just enjoy the sound of his voice and the sight of him and the time we are together, but instead I am trying to withdraw emotionally to protect myself, not knowing for sure if I’m being rejected, or if we’re being blocked by hackers, or if we’re being blocked by mind control. I do not know.

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