Okay, I have recovered after sleep

I am no longer in that crazy obsessive mode. I am going to experiment with drinking this coffee all day, but it is going to be more diluted – I used a whole lot of coffee grounds because I wasn’t sure how much to use. I will use less this time.

I can feel my hip pain worsening because of this. It’s strange, the caffeine numbs the pain, but that causes me to ignore it and continue moving in a way that damages the hips. You shouldn’t numb the pain if you are doing damage to your body. But that project will still have to wait.

I don’t like to refer to it merely as ‘hip pain.’ What is happening is, actual damage is being done to the joint. It’s like a tooth cavity – you lose pieces of bone, which can never grow back, because when your bones finish growing, they stop growing. Bones are active and they still produce new bone, but only on the inside – they can’t regrow big pieces that have been lost. Hip joints supposedly cannot regenerate themselves once they are gone.

Then what happens is, after damaging the hip joint for a very long time, the hip bone can no longer stay in place – it doesn’t have a hole to go into anymore. It slips out of the joint and is dislocated, held in place only by the ligaments, which is disgusting and unbearably painful. You can’t put your weight on just the ligaments. If you look at an x-ray you see it is totally out of place.

The destruction of the hip joint is caused by some things in the diet, such as caffeine and vegetables that are in the deadly nightshade plant family (tomatoes, potatoes, eggplants, peppers, hot peppers, and tobacco). Ideally, to get rid of arthritis, you have to stop eating all foods in that group, and don’t even eat the smallest amount of hot spices. People who talk about doing this diet say that it really doesn’t work if you continue to eat small amounts of the foods – you have to completely stop them totally. These foods produce a chemical which is like vitamin D, except more active and more toxic, and it moves calcium and minerals out of your bones and into the wrong places in your body. Caffeine is in a different plant group although it’s still similar to that in some ways – it too causes loss of minerals in the bones.

I have also noticed fruits that cause rapid tooth decay and rapid crumbling of my tooth cavities, such as pineapple and blueberries. There was a time period a few years ago when I was always getting frozen pineapples and blueberries and eating them together. I have noticed each of them will trigger the crumbling of my teeth, so that I feel pieces of my teeth falling into my mouth and getting crunched. I no longer go to the dentist and I no longer get any cavities filled because dentists are evil and all objects implanted in your mouth release toxic chemicals. Some people tolerate dental fillings better than other people do. I myself tolerate them very badly, and I was very sick from my mercury dental filling even though I had only one, and I got sick also from the plastic fillings that were used to replace the mercury ones. Plastic ones have bad effects, they’re just DIFFERENT bad effects. I have decided that NOTHING AT ALL is suitable for keeping in your mouth as a dental filling because of the chemicals and things coming out of it.

My teeth started falling apart due to something that was done a few years ago by mind control. I don’t really feel like telling the story. It was only that I was brainwashed to try to go a long time without brushing my teeth to see what would happen. I didn’t believe in this experiment – I wasn’t eating a healthy diet at the time. It is only possible to live without brushing your teeth if you are living in a primitive society where you eat real foods, and only if your mouth and teeth do not have the Weston Price deformities, because those deformities cause the teeth to get destroyed by wear and tear, since the pressures on deformed teeth are different from the pressures on properly formed teeth, and it causes deformed teeth to crack. Deformed teeth in a deformed mouth might be like what I have – the dentists always told me I had very large teeth inside a very small mouth, which put enormous mechanical pressure on the teeth when I clenched them.

People in primitive societies have properly formed bodies (unlike people in modern societies, who have faces and bodies deformed by toxic chemicals, drugs, and malnutrition in their infancy and in the womb) and faces and teeth, and they live a lifetime eating nothing but healthy natural foods and living without exposure to any manmade chemicals.

Those people are also not slaves. All the food that they hunt and gather belongs directly to them – they do not use dollars to buy food and they do not pay to live on the land. The money system and the land ownership system are the major sources of slavery – but that’s too complicated to get into at the moment. My brain isn’t in that particular mental state right now. Anyway since they are not slaves they do not need to use caffeine. The only people who need to use caffeine are people who absolutely have to stay awake all day long slaving at a job when their body actually wants to be asleep. Caffeine and tobacco are major causes of the Weston Price deformities. People who use no caffeine or tobacco or tea at all will have properly formed babies. These deformities start in the womb and depend on what the mother is eating during pregnancy.

I actually don’t like the ritual of making a pot of coffee. I do not value this sort of ritual. I wouldn’t mind making a huge gallon of coffee in advance and keeping it all week long in the fridge.

Maybe I should ask Freddy for a couple days off – he said it would be okay only if I asked for a couple days off two weeks in advance, but it wasn’t okay to try to get scheduled for fewer days of work each week. That required me to write an ad and get someone else to take my hours, but that didn’t work out and I stopped trying. It would have worked out if I had kept trying but I am too preoccupied to try it again – I am focused only on moving out of this house. Maybe I should assume I am never moving out of this house and I should schedule days off two weeks from now, knowing I will still be here struggling to get out.

That is the mental process that I need but cannot use due to the electronic attacks. I need to know the future, know the inevitability of failure, and change my behavior so that this failure does not occur. It is inevitable that if I keep continuing on the path that I am going on, I will fail in every possible way. But the vision of the future must be specific. I must truly and deeply comprehend that I am going to fail to get out of this house, and that I will be ‘in transition’ for several more months now, always saying ‘I can’t do this or that because right now I’m still struggling with the project of moving into the tent.’ That is the mental process I cannot do while being zapped – they don’t want me to control my own future. That mental process is slow and difficult and requires extreme, prolonged, deep focus. I am going to still be ‘in the process of moving out’ in the middle of November, because every weekend, I cannot finish what I am doing on Sunday, my one single day off.

Why can’t I magically get some Guatemalan dude to temporarily take my place as the dishwasher? They seem to have endless contacts with other Guatemalans who are looking for new jobs and who show up temporarily for a couple of days but don’t end up working here regularly. This is an example of having a social network, a social community, much stronger than my own community. I do not have a ‘gringo community’ of people who are all cooperating to look for jobs and help each other get jobs and help each other in other ways. The gringos are all ‘every man for himself.’ Each person is isolated and alone and has no help from a community; however, we are able to get ‘government services’ which are less effective, or outright harmful. The government services do not provide much real help with our problems. I hate talking to those people. I hate filling out the paperwork.

Well, okay, ‘gringo’ sounds insulting – I need a neutral name. I don’t always want to be insulting. It’s just very annoying that the only word I have in the USA is ‘American.’ We are all Americans, up to the top of Canada and down to the bottom of Argentina and Chile, but in the USA we think that ‘Americans’ means ‘people from the USA,’ and there is no word that means ‘USAsian’ or ‘United Statesian.’ United Stater. Those are weird words that don’t exist. Statean? And no one seems to feel that this is an urgent problem worth fixing. We need to make it a project to create a new word that refers to ‘people from the USA.’ I don’t like the bulky, wordy sentences that I have to write if I say ‘people from the USA’ every single time I want to refer to people from the USA. People from the USA are always doing this or that with other people from the USA. It’s very cumbersome to say. I can’t use that whole phrase every time.

I need to take a shower and also make the coffee that I will carry with me today, hoping it will work as a substitute for the cans of coffee that I am always buying.

I have been so overwhelmed with overwork and with moving out and with chronic malnutrition from not cooking any food at home because I can’t keep food in the fridge while moving out – so overwhelmed that, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, I haven’t even talked to my parents, who offered to help me with money. I can’t even email them, I can’t even think about the tasks they asked me to do. I would have to do some things that they wanted me to do, paperwork and phone calls, and I can’t do any paperwork or phone calls.

I need to rent an apartment WITH A LEASE if I rent again. My problems for the last two years have been because of renting informally from people who can choose to throw me out at any time without a moment’s notice. And my problem in the first rental was because I didn’t know I wasn’t able to get back on the lease after subletting from someone. I thought I could just sign up again, but no, someone else had signed up in advance, so I was no longer subletting and was kicked out on the street without a moment’s notice. I have been kicked out of apartments THREE TIMES in the past couple years – the Chinese sublet apartment, Mary Jo’s house, and now Mike’s house. My life has been constant chaos because of that.

If I get a lease, then I must SIGN UP IN ADVANCE TO CONTINUE LIVING THERE DURING THE NEXT LEASING CYCLE. I do not want to get to that moment when it’s time to re-lease and suddenly find out that I must throw all my belongings into the front yard while it’s raining this very instant and move into the woods where I am camping, without using a car to drive there. THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE AND I AM SICK OF DOING IT.

I actually don’t want a lease, and I have an utter hatred of leasing, renting, paperwork, and land ownership and rental. I would rather own a home, but again, that requires borrowing money from the bank, and I cannot even afford the down payment on a trailer, because the chaos of my life has kept me from saving even a couple hundred dollars. I cannot even keep a couple hundred dollars in the bank, and a down payment is several thousand dollars, up to perhaps ten thousand dollars. I calculated – since I am not sure how big the down payment would be, I only know the worst case scenario for those trailers at Continental Courts would be about $10,000 cash, as a down payment. That’s right, you can only buy a house if you have $10,000 in cash just sitting around, in a world where banks do not pay you any interest whatsoever for keeping cash in the bank. And that’s an EXTREMELY CHEAP HOUSE. It was the worst case scenario for the trailer. It’s probably going to be less than that.

I only know this one thing: I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT AND MUST NOT KEEP MOVING INTO A HOUSE AND THEN GETTING THROWN OUT AGAIN A FEW MONTHS LATER A COUPLE TIMES EVERY YEAR. THIS IS FUCKING CHAOS AND IT IS COMPLETELY RUINING MY LIFE AND DESTROYING ALL HOPE OF DOING ANY KINDS OF PROJECTS WHATSOEVER. I DO NOT HAVE A CAR AND SO I CANNOT EVEN MOVE MY TINY NUMBER OF BELONGINGS EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT HAVE ANY FURNITURE – I HAVE TO USE A TAXI TO MOVE MY FUCKING MINIMAL NUMBER OF BELONGINGS. I know it’s hard to read something in all caps so I’ll stop writing that way, although I’m still screaming, I’m just screaming in regular letters instead of caps.

I’m being mind controlled, and my life is being ‘steered’ by people controlling me, the people who refuse to let me look into my own future and control it without being zapped. If you people want to refuse to let me use my own brain to make decisions for myself, preventing inevitable problems that ought to be so obvious anyone could predict them, if you want to refuse to let me use my own brain to see those things, THEN YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DO A *BETTER FUCKING JOB* OF CONTROLLING MY LIFE AND GIVING ME THINGS AND MAKING ME DO THINGS, because you are doing a horrible job of replacing my brain with mind control. You are doing a much, much, much worse job than I would be doing if I were controlling my own brain. I have done nothing but suffer this whole time as a direct result of being mind controlled. If I had been using my own mind 20 years ago, I would not be addicted to caffeine right now, because I originally refused to use caffeine and was forced against my will to use it by the voices in my head. I would have been unemployed due to severe and incapacitating chronic fatigue syndrome, and so I would have just become unemployed – END OF WORLD. I’d have moved on from there and figured out other things by now, but I would not be losing all the bones in my hips due to caffeine use right now. I would not be trapped, I would not be miserable, if I had been allowed to use my own brain to make my own decisions and do the things I wanted, AND ONLY THE THINGS I WANTED, all this time. Over and over I have proven that my own values, my own vision of the future, are much more accurate and much better guidance than the mind controllers are giving me, and I would have been much happier.

Yeah, the mind controllers say that they have done things like give me this job at the restaurant with the Guatemalans so that I could have a crush on Agustin. Is this crush really ever going to become anything real? Do I have to wait, what is it, two years or something? Before I can even touch him? I don’t know how old he is but it’s going to be a very long couple of years before I am legally permitted to have sex with him. I myself don’t give a shit what the law says, I am capable of recognizing when somebody is consenting and when they are not consenting. But it doesn’t matter, he’s surrounded by a community of people who will probably call the mafia and have me lynched or something. So yeah, I’m being brainwashed to believe all the time that the mind controllers are giving me great things that I wouldn’t have found on my own.

I have to take a shower and get ready for work.

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