That’s it, Jesus has the keys to my house. I’m gonna go out there and complain that Joel Osteen told me that Jesus has the keys to my house and I’m demanding them back.

I signed up for daily emails from Joel Osteen, partly because somebody in a socionics forum said he was an IEE-ENFp. He does use metaphors, and sometimes mixed metaphors which are funny. I’ve been thrown out of my house and Jesus took my keys.

There was a time when I was experimenting with prayer, but I was using a lot of ginseng. Now that I’m not using ginseng, I’m not praying anymore either.

This is a funny mixed metaphor because this quote makes it sound like he has the keys of death and Hades. Are those keys to a location, and do I want those keys? Also, anything at all having to do with somebody dying and coming back to life is a phallic symbol. This is combining a dead-and-alive phallic symbol with a lock-and-key phallic symbol. And yet Joel goes on (I believe that Joel himself does write these daily quotes, although for a while I wasn’t sure, I thought they might have a team of writers making the emails or something) to say that actually Jesus is holding good keys, not bad keys, and you’re locked out of the house. I’M LIVING IN A FUCKING TENT BECAUSE OF JESUS. GODDAMN IT, JESUS, GIVE ME BACK MY KEYS TO MY HOUSE.

“Today’s Scripture
“I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.”
(Revelation 1:18, NIV)


He Holds the Keys

Have you ever been locked out of your car or house? It can be very frustrating and inconvenient. Not having your keys can keep you stuck and unproductive. It steals your time and can steal your peace and joy if you let it.

In the same way, we need spiritual keys to access what God has for us—eternal life, peace, freedom and blessing here on earth. But we don’t have to stand on the outside and be frustrated because Jesus holds the keys, and He has opened the way for us to walk through the door of eternal life. Eternal life begins the moment you make Him your Lord and Savior. You don’t have to live in defeat, mediocrity, sickness, sin or any kind of bondage any longer; you have access to the abundant life Jesus came to give!

Today, if you feel stuck, locked out or defeated, remember, Jesus is the one who holds the keys. All you have to do is call on His name, and He will answer. He promises to hear you and will deliver you. He wants to be the hero of your story, so call on Him today and receive the victory He has prepared for you!

A Prayer for Today

“Father God, I boldly come to You thanking You for giving me access to eternal life through Your Son, Jesus. I surrender every area of my heart to You and invite You to make me whole and complete. Set me free from every bondage so I can live free in You in Jesus’ name. Amen.””

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: