So, they gave me this dream last night

I probably have blood thinner residues in my body because they tricked Mark into believing he needed to take blood thinners for a long time, when his blood clots were actually hospital induced after he was hit by a car when he was crossing the street.

Even so, I had a dream this morning, which was obviously a mind control dream. The message of the dream was to remind me that Agustin really actually adores me and I shouldn’t just let him go (without a huge, endless, impossible fight which I am too weak to fight). When I woke up there was another voice in my head and I said, ‘Well, what is it that you want me to do, then?’ and they said they wanted me to contact him, through text messaging. And I was like, ‘Yawn, yawn, okay, whatever, through texting,’ even though I have absolutely no response and no sign that he is getting any of them anymore after several days of randomly sending messages.

It’s not going to help either of us if I start sending long-winded, book-length text messages written in English. He can read English, but surely it’s uncomfortable and difficult, and he doesn’t know all the words, so he would have to have a dictionary or web page open to translate lots of words. That sounds like a huge pain in the ass. It is better to get a less frequent message, written on paper, guaranteed to be received and understood, because it will be translated into badly written, grammatically incorrect Spanish alongside the original English letter so that he has the option of seeing both languages if necessary.

The papers will have to have a more active oriented approach instead of the passive whining of the daily text message barrage. My writing style on a paper message is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than the whining that I do in random text messages written on impulse during the day and night. On paper, I write something as brief and focused as possible, to convey an important message.

Now, I *do* sometimes write long-winded whining paper messages too. I wrote one, but I never translated it and I never gave it to him. It’s possible to edit something like that and get the most important parts of it, if ANY parts of it are important enough to tell him. That’s more likely to happen with paper messages – they never get sent because I have enough time to realize that the whole thing is a load of bullshit that he doesn’t want to hear.

So on paper, the message will have to be a time-and-place oriented message, very specific, such as ‘can you go for a walk with me, at this time and place?’ And then I’ll go sit there, at that place, at that time, doing absolutely nothing for hours because he won’t show up. So I’ll bring my books and I’ll study Spanish during those hours of waiting for someone who never shows up. He will never show up, because I won’t get a paper written reply to the paper message that I’ve given him, in which he answers, ‘No, I can’t go there at that time because I’m working at my 5th job so that I can pay my $800 rent and also pay you for sex, you whore.’

Note, it is my opinion that I ought to pay HIM for sex. Whatever sex I would do with him would not be anything worth paying money (to me) for. I am not going to be wearing expensive fancy clothing, I am unable to do a strip tease, I am unable to do whatever it is that people expect a prostitute to do that’s worth paying money for. I give blowjobs, but they are rather disappointing as I have an extremely small mouth due to the Weston Price deformities, and any decent human being gives blowjobs for free.

I forgot to tell the dream, and I’m gonna be late for work if I mess around too long writing a blog. My answer to the voices in my head is, if this train wreck is bound and determined to continue, if the programmers are bound and determined to convince me that Agustin actually does want me, then I will not tolerate being forced to send text messages with no reply. Either he is unable to answer, or we are being hacked and he’s not getting my messages, which will be done for the purpose of mind control torture and manipulation, to cause pain and suffering and to trick people into doing desperate things. I was already tricked into doing this in the past. I’VE BEEN THERE. I’VE DONE THAT. I sent naked pictures to a guy in email who wasn’t answering me. There’s nothing much to gain by doing this again to me now, because I already sent naked pictures to Agustin on the first night when we texted. WHAT??? THAT NEVER HAPPENED. No, I’m not doing disinformation right now, I’m telling the truth. It’s buried deep in a long paragraph, but there it is. I’ve already done that and he received them. He thought that I was a prostitute and he assumed that I was trying to get him to have sex with me so that I could get money from him. I am starting to get the impression that if I DON’T charge money to him, he won’t have sex with me willingly, oddly enough. OKAY! I WILL OVERCHARGE YOU FOR SOMETHING WORTHLESS WHEN I’M THE ONE WHO OUGHT TO BE PAYING FOR YOU! I guess that’s how they do things around here. Sex with me is not something worth paying for. My brain can’t get around this. You don’t go up to a gorgeous, beautiful young boy and then tell him that he has to pay money to have sex with you.

Then again, it’s like asking someone to marry me. If I want to be a stay-at-home mom and raise the kids, then yes, okay, it would be helpful if the man paid for everything.

In the dream (which was a mind control dream), this was a role reversal, and when they woke me up, they explained that I was actually in the role of Agustin in the dream. Agustin was a celebrity, sort of like a boy band singer. Millions of girls adored him and wanted to be with him. He lived in a mansion. In the mansion there were a few roommates who were guys. But by some miracle, I made it into this mansion and became Agustin’s roommate. I was in a bed which was next to his bed, and there were no walls. All the beds were visible to everyone. (Well, in this broken-down old house that I live in, the walls are so thin that you can hear every little thing. I’m moving into a tent anyway.) I heard some girl talking about Agustin but I forget what she said – she was a fan, and she was extremely excited to find out some kind of interesting fact about him and his lifestyle.

I don’t remember the details but I remember getting ready for work, while living in this mansion as Agustin’s roommate. I was going to work at McDonald’s. Lol. I had this feeling of being sort of comfortable as his roommate – I think the feelings were mostly positive. I don’t remember the details and I’m going to have to abandon this and get up and get dressed (like in the dream) to go to work. I just remember being happy and thrilled that I could become one of Agustin’s roommates and was looking forward to the future. It was like a miracle.

So they woke me up and explained that I should put myself into the place of where I was seeing Agustin in the dream. I’m allegedly the celebrity (maybe because I have a 30,000 page blog with ads on the bottom that earn money for WordPress, not for me! I don’t get a fucking penny from my blog.). I’m a celebrity because when I stand next to the open door at work, acquaintances walk by and give me hugs, because I’ve lived in this miserable town for almost 20 years in various locations and so I know random people.

late for work, late for work, late for work….

the point of the dream was to brainwash me into believing that Agustin still wants to be with me. Well, guess what? We’re not doing text messages. We’re doing paper messages which will be planned out, goal oriented, edited to make them short and to the point, and translated into Spanish alongside English for his convenience. That is all. I do not give a fuck about being told by the voices in my head that I must text him. That is not going to happen anymore. I am not able to get a reply no matter what I do, so I am going to assume we are being hacked. I also overheard them saying something in Spanish which sounded as though Agustin was not receiving replies to something, but I am not 100% sure about my understanding of what they said.

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