Hate, nothing but hate going on and on today

2:10 PM 7/31/2016

I had several energy drinks yesterday, and one this morning. I went into withdrawal badly after taking an American Ginseng pill a few months ago, so I’m pretty sure my withdrawal symptoms and bad moods are coming from the ginseng in the energy drinks. It doesn’t seem to happen with all types of ginseng. I didn’t react that badly to Siberian ginseng, which is from a slightly different plant. I also didn’t react very badly to Korean ginseng, which I would like to get again but can’t find at the stores nearby unless I go to the really expensive store.

I am full of so much hate today, it’s ridiculous, I hate everything. I hate people who think I ought to save money by eating the worst possible food on earth because they know nothing about nutrition or don’t give a fuck about nutrition. I also hate people who think it’s okay to promise someone they will get $400 a week, then cut their hours a little bit saying they’re not needed in the evenings because it’s slow, then lower their pay to $300 because, understandably, they’re working fewer hours than before, then get them back to working full time and continue paying them $300… Oops! I’m not talking about anyone in particular who would do such a thing! Guess what, I’ve been working every evening and often staying until 10 even after the bus stops running, and the only reason I went down to only $300 was because I was allowed to go home several evenings a week during a slow time – that was fine then, but it’s not okay anymore. IT IS NOT FUCKING OKAY TO CONTINUE GIVING ME ONLY $300 A WEEK WHEN I FUCKING WENT BACK UP TO THE ORIGINAL AMOUNT OF HOURS WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING GET $400. THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BASTARD? THIS IS ***NOT*** ***FUCKING*** ***OKAY***, YOU GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT.

Yeah. No one in particular.

Every other female who works there says he has done the same fucking shit to them, except with them, it’s paying only $9.00 an hour when they were originally promised $10.00 an hour. What? Somebody who does no heavy lifting and isn’t exposed to any toxic chemicals, while standing around staring at the four walls in an air-conditioned dining room for hours at a time, gets paid $9 while I get paid approximately $5 an hour? And they’re complaining because he fucked them over and refused to give them the $10 he originally fucking promised them? What exactly the fuck is this fucking shit?

The only reason I tolerate getting lower wages while doing more work is because I can’t stand being bored. Boredom is more painful than poverty. There are fucking bastards out there IN OTHER FUCKING SOCIONIC QUADRAS who want to take advantage of this. My own fucking socionic quadra wouldn’t see it that way! I shouldn’t get paid less just because I enjoy the process of laboring and hate to stand around doing nothing, therefore I quote unquote ‘enjoy my job’ and can tolerate being paid less than I would be paid to do the boring and intolerable job of waitressing, which is why I refuse to do it – it’s my personality type. My personality type wants to do some ACTUAL WORK, and standing around doing nothing and making nothing and producing nothing is unbearable. I’ve done it before. I cannot stand behind a counter waiting for customers as a cashier, because boredom and inactivity are utterly unbearable. I sit there fucking going insane. My personality type is being taken advantage by evil bastards and retards in the Beta Quadra who have monopolistically taken over every single business and every single corporation and have rented out every single business rental spot for any restaurants or any businesses at all in this entire town, so that every single business, without exception, is owned by either an LSI or a SLE, and all of them mistreat people and fuck people over in the EXACT SAME FUCKING WAY while disvaluing the SLI who likes to do actual work – oh, you can just PAY ME LESS BECAUSE I LIKE TO WORK! YOU FUCKING BASTARDS.

There was a reason why I made a division between the two ‘houses’ of the socionic quadras, because within the quadra, there are still conflicts. LSEs always, without exception, always get paid more than SLIs, even doing the same work. They are more competitive and more demanding and more bossy, so they are able to aggressively demand higher wages. That’s why I wanted a world where only the ‘eighth house’ ruled the world, so that we could separate ourselves from the judgers on the other side of the quadra who tend to grab all the money and take everything and boss us around and make it into a judger’s paradise while not letting the perceivers have any power at all over how society is run. That is the reason why my Anaya religion only allows its leaders to be selected from the eighth house, the SLI and IEE types only, and no other types, because I do not want our culture to be controlled and dominated by the exact same people who are aggressively controlling and dominating our entire society as it is now. We need something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from the world we live in now, and the only way to make a world that is completely different from this world is by allowing the values of other personality types to dominate in parts of the world, instead of universally allowing all the LSIs and LSEs and SLEs to control every fucking material resource and square inch of land on the entire fucking planet, while screwing over their SLI slave employees and paying them only $5 an hour because they enjoy dishwashing more than they enjoy waitressing and standing around doing nothing for hours upon hours.

I am doing my laundry right now. At least I was able to get to the machine. Sometimes on Sunday, on my one day off when it’s my only chance to do laundry, Mike or Eric will be using the machine all day long on that very day, even though Mike is off work on Saturday and could use it then.

I want to run a woman-owned business where every employee I hire will be a SLI or IEE. I will do an EEG test on them to prove that they are. I might make a couple of exceptions, strongly favoring all perceivers over all judgers. I might make a few exceptions, maybe preventing all the other personality types from making any major decisions or having any real influence in the corporation, keeping them as low as possible, paying them the crappiest wages, while paying only the SLI and IEE the highest wages and making them the biggest decision makers who set the culture for the entire corporation.

Why? Because the whole world is the exact opposite of that. Judgers rule, everywhere. Judgers are the wealthiest. Judgers have the easiest life. Judgers get to decide that every inch of our land will be paved over with concrete, and judgers have all the money they need to make this happen. And Beta STs are the owners of every single business everywhere, they make the most money, and they get to decide what is the corporate culture of every single corporation. So fuck them. I’m not hiring a single fucking Beta ST in my entire fucking corporation for any reason, and I will use an EEG to read their mind and tell them, ‘Sorry, we’re not hiring you – you should go get hired at any of the other hundred million corporations out there that already exist that LOVE people like you and will pay you $500,000 a year merely to be a Beta ST and sit around doing nothing.’

I want a corporation where people value all of the potential that the SLI has to offer, a corporation where the exact things that I am capable of doing are the exact things that this corporation
desperately wants the most and is willing to pay the highest money for. Our corporation will be completely and utterly unconventional. It will be like no business that anyone on earth has ever seen before, because the overwhelming majority of human beings are LSIs and all of them are the business owners who decide on the norms of the culture for the entire planet.

I am owed several hundred dollars right now by my employer. It took me a couple weeks to realize that he really, seriously, for fucking real, wasn’t going to start giving me $400 like he promised me I would get. I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that any human being would be THAT MUCH OF A GODDAMN FUCKING LYING, SNEAKING, FUCKING DICK SON OF A BITCH BASTARD HUMAN BEING to do such a thing, to fucking screw people over that way, until I started hearing stories from all the other waitresses about how they were promised this or that amount of money (always much, much more than I am getting paid) and got paid less than they were told. THIS IS FUCKING AMERICA. THIS IS NOT HOW WE FUCKING DO IT IN AMERICA. YOU WANT ME TO PULL OUT THE ‘AMERICA’ CARD? YOU WANT ME TO PULL OUT THE ‘MULTICULTURALISM ISN’T ACCEPTABLE ANYMORE’ CARD? Because I fucking will. I don’t fucking care if that is the norm for your country or if you fucking view it as ‘haggling’ or some other stupid fucking multicultural bullshit. I WILL pull out that fucking card. You can call it haggling, you can claim that’s how it’s done in your country, BUT IT IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT DONE THAT WAY HERE, and if you think it is then you can fuck yourself.

It just took several weeks, and conversations with other people including people who quit their jobs and left, for me to truly understand that this man was a lying, sneaking, filthy, untrustworthy son of a bitch who really, seriously was fucking screwing me over for real. I want to believe the best of people and I kept on fucking believing the best. No, he’s not screwing me over! There’s some fucking reason why this is happening! Goddamn bastards are doing this to people like me, the SLI personality type, people who are too quiet to protest.

Voices for the voiceless! All you people who want to defend the animals being eaten for meat, why don’t you defend the socionic personality types who are incapable of speaking for themselves? Oh, I forgot, you hate humans and you want all humans to die. Never mind. Well, SOMEBODY ELSE NEEDS TO BE OUR FUCKING ADVOCATE because the goddamn SLI personality type, myself and everyone like me, is fucking voiceless and unable to protest the fact that we are being FUCKED OVER in our wage rates, getting lower wages than other personality types for doing the same jobs, merely because we are quiet, timid people who don’t like fighting, and prefer to be busy working rather than standing around, therefore we quote ‘love our jobs’ and ‘love working’ and therefore we can be paid LOWER WAGES DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE ENJOY OUR JOBS AND ENJOY WORK. FUCK THAT GODDAMN SHIT. THIS FUCKING SHIT HAS TO FUCKING END NOW.

Yeah, I need some money. I can’t get out of this fucking house because I don’t have enough money to rent a car. I *might possibly* have enough if I scrape the very bottom of my bank account, MAYBE, or if I use a combination of my bank account and my credit card (which is almost maxed out and has about $33 left that I could use).

I don’t want to rent a taxi but that is probably what will happen, simply because it costs less than renting a car, but they will charge me a $20 fee because I am moving a bunch of stuff and they say they do this fee for people who ‘use the taxi as a moving van’ or something like that. I know this is their policy because I’ve encountered it every time I’ve moved all my belongings in a taxi in the last couple years.

Meanwhile, the ‘traditional German/Austrian food’ at Herwig’s Bistro is not that great at all, but that’s a whole other subject. What the fuck? Putting a breaded pork chop on two pieces of bread is NOT ‘traditional German food.’ I don’t think I will get that particular sandwich ever again. And the guy behind the counter was a Beta ST, too. They were nice… but still, enough is enough, the world has enough fucking Beta STs and I just want to see, for once, I am begging, just once in my life, see a business owner who is a SLI or IEE, and not just one, but dozens and dozens of them, so they fill up the entire street, and every single business you walk into is owned and operated by SLIs and IEEs, the people who are the scarcest and cannot be found anywhere, the culture that is so oppressed and so genocidally destroyed by the rest of the culture that it is nowhere to be found. I want to see this vision come true. Tons and tons of both SLIs and IEEs (not merely ‘Deltas,’ because the other side of the quadra, the judgers, are in fact extremely common as business owners, bosses, and wealthy people – the LSEs are among the wealthiest people in society and they already control everything – I WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT!) in dozens of businesses all located together in one geographic region so that you walk down the street and every single business you go to is owned and operated by them and only them. The whole entire world would change!

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