What is the ‘No Live Music’ conspiracy?

I just thought of this but don’t have time to think it through because I’m getting on the bus. If the entire world seems to be conspiring to make you suffer, maybe the conspiracy is real. That’s my new rule. I’m noticing that I suffer because there is no real music being played. I became more aware of this at the arts festival, when I danced to some live music.

It’s not as simple as saying that musicians conspire to prevent live music because it cuts into their profits if people are able to walk out into the streets and hear somebody playing music that is actually good… but yet, that kind of is part of the conspiracy. But it is more than that.

I’m talking about live music with acoustic instruments, no
microphones, music that you can dance to, music that doesn’t have such a loud beat that the beat is all you can hear and nothing else. This music is ‘unplugged.’ No microphones – imagine it! Inconceivable! Music played on a guitar or flutes in public, and other alternative instruments from foreign countries, and primitive instruments, and all the instruments that are available, but not for profit, and in a public place, so that people can dance as a group, spontaneously, like I did at the arts fest?

It never happens, and the lack of it makes my life unhappy. How much happier life would be if good music were everywhere. But instead, horrible music is shoved down my throat (although this has improved now that I have Latin American coworkers who are listening to a different kind of music – a lot of their music has a 6/8 beat or 3/4 beat and is more mellow and melodic). Why do I suffer? Is it a mere accident? Or is someone conspiring to make me suffer because somebody profits if I do?

Now that I have discovered the phenomenon of real, esoteric
conspiracies, it’s a fun thing to look for. Which bizarre and esoteric conspiracy will I notice next? The fruit tree conspiracy, the slow loading web page conspiracy, the no live music conspiracy – what next? If it conspires to make me suffer, all the time, everywhere, in such a way that I cannot escape from it, then the conspiracy is probably real.

2 Responses to “What is the ‘No Live Music’ conspiracy?”

  1. zombieite Says:

    You need to visit NYC. People play every instrument imaginable on the streets, and things that aren’t instruments as well!

  2. Nicole Says:

    I’m picturing stuff like people playing music on wineglasses. Sounds awesome 🙂 .

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