So about this possible dual I am talking to.

I do not know why I rejected him years ago when I was talking to him before. Something either made me decide he wasn’t a dual, or I decided he was too annoying somehow and I didn’t want to be with him. Or I might have been involved in some other problem, like maybe I was dealing with decontamination, or maybe I was in love with Rick DeLong at the time. If I was still fascinated with Rick that would pretty much explain why I wouldn’t accept anyone else.

Now, however, after a couple years of interacting with someone who was originally typed as a dual, but who might possibly not be a dual, I don’t know – Jesse – who got retyped by ‘them’ later on as an SEE-ESFP instead of an IEE-ENFP. It really is hard to tell lookalikes apart. I didn’t know how hard it was. After a few years of being with Jesse, I know that there are particular kinds of difficulties we have when having a conversation. And the girl he fell in love with, Kaelin, might have really been his dual and I didn’t know it at the time and I screwed it all up.

After being with Jesse for a few years and knowing the types of difficulties we have with conversation, and after also mistyping another coworker, Chelsea, from McDonald’s, who I also thought was an IEE and who ‘they’ retyped as a mirage relation, the SEE, instead – remembering my conversations with her, and the kind of momentum those conversations had, and the places where the momentum ran out, the energy ran out, and we couldn’t talk anymore or help each other anymore – and how Chelsea originally dated Eric, my roommate, who is a SLI like me, which would have been another mirage relation, and she said later on that the two of them never talked much at all, but her new boyfriend, Bobby, who I thought was a SLI, but ‘they’ think is an ILI, talks to her really easily and constantly. There are these differences in how easy it is to have a conversation, to keep the conversation going and flowing without effort, without trying hard, without struggling to think of the next things to say.

If you love someone, you put up with imperfections, and that is what I have done with Jesse – I do love Jesse, and it’s okay that we can’t always have a conversation that just keeps on going for hours and hours easily, although it’s much easier if I am on herbal drugs that change my mood. In the same way I can say that I love Agustin (potentially, without knowing him yet) and I am attracted to him, but yet I know from experience, and from socionics, that it is very likely that he and I will have difficulty thinking of anything to talk about after being together for a little while, even if I learn Spanish – I will run out of things to say.

So, the guy who ‘they’ think really is a dual, for real, the one I already rejected years ago who appeared again and has started talking to me – I am able to talk to him quite easily. We are able to keep talking, and to feed each other’s talking energy. It is as though the socionics plus and minus signs are lined up the way they are supposed to be. I am the SLI, and I have a minus sign in front of my first function, -Si, and my dual, the IEE, also has a minus sign in front of his first function, -Ne. This means that both of us are going to complain about negative things that happened in the past.

Meanwhile, if you have a plus sign in front of your first function, like the SEE (+Se) and the ILI (+Ni) duals, then you are going to have a more future-oriented, positive-oriented focus where you want to talk about good things that you are doing now and in the future, and new symbolisms and new storylines that you are constantly creating together.

I have seen Agustin paying attention to symbolism and double meanings of things. He laughed once a little bit because I was talking about the small samosas, which are a thing that we make that look exactly like little breasts, and he somehow took it to mean that I was talking about my own small breasts, I have to assume, because I was saying, ‘oh, if you found any that were accidentally too small, they were probably mine, because I don’t know how to make them very well,’ and I was making it very clear that if there were any small samosas, they were most definitely MY small samosas.

These samosas are basically a little tortilla wrapper with potatoes and vegetables stuffed inside, and you pinch them shut into a shape that looks like a breast with a nipple on top. I try to get together with the guys and learn how to help make them if it’s a good day, but it was a difficult day yesterday or whenever it was and so I avoided making samosas with them.

But anyway, paying attention to new symbolism in the immediate moment would be a normal thing for the SEE to do because they are seeking a dual who has the +Ni function, which creates new symbols constantly that fit the immediate moment. Everything is new and everything has a special meaning, just like locking our bikes together, bonding us together. I’m able to understand these symbols but I cannot create them myself because my brain doesn’t work that way, but his real dual the ILI would be able to create those symbols all the time, very easily.

Well, this person I am talking to who *might possibly* be a real dual is able to talk to me for a long time about negative things that happened in the past, and we are able to talk about it for a long time without resolving anything or deciding anything. This could be called a ‘bitch session.’ It goes like this: ‘One time, in the past, I was doing this or that and something bad happened to me.’ ‘Oh, that reminds me of the time when I was doing something like that, too, in the past, and something bad happened to me that was a lot like what happened to you.’ ‘Really? That’s funny, because one time, some other bad thing happened that was kind of related to that.’ ‘Oh, definitely, bad things can happen when you are doing those things. I just thought of another bad thing that happened once.’ On and on and on. Endless negativity.

All the psychotherapists say that negativity is bad, but they don’t know socionics and they don’t know about those plus and minus signs. If you are unfortunate enough to have a minus sign in front of your first function, then your brain is automatically programmed to always look for things that are bad, pay attention to things that are bad, and have a desire to talk about things that are bad, and it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t have to change that about yourself or try to conform to what the therapists think you should be. I went a lifetime not knowing this, until I learned about the plus and minus signs, and suddenly I realized just how amazing and wonderful it would be if I could talk to my dual, endlessly, complaining about all the negative things that happen without worrying that they are going to pressure me to be a more positive person and to stop being such a complainer.

Everybody has a minus sign somewhere – if it isn’t on the first function, then it will be on the second function. So those people are able to complain too, they just have a different way of doing it. The conversation styles don’t quite work well together if you’re talking to somebody who has the plus or minus sign on the wrong function.

So I was talking to him tonight and it went into the ‘bitch session’ mode, where the conversation started to grow longer, endlessly, with an endless list of negative things that were unresolved, and we had no obligation to resolve them or fix them or make them into something positive.

All of this sounds great, you’re thinking – maybe I found my dual. But, there are reasons why I didn’t notice him or I rejected him in the past. Guess who it is – it’s the fat guy, the super extreme fat guy. I am able to see through his fatness because I know it’s not his fault, it’s modern society that did something to screw up his body when he was a baby. I know all the possible things that can cause it to happen because I’ve studied this topic for a long time because I want to find out how to prevent it from happening.

If I had been sexually attracted to this guy, then I would have started dating him years ago when we were talking, right away, and I wouldn’t have even worried about whether he was my dual or some other thing. I would have just wanted to be with someone sexually attractive. Like Agustin, when I look at him I am just thinking about how sexy he is, and I am not thinking so much about things like, ‘Gee, even when I learn Spanish, we probably won’t have a lot to talk about.’ If this guy had been sexy, I would have gotten with him, and then finding out that he was a dual and finding out that we actually got along really well with each other would have been sort of an added bonus, but it has to be sexual attraction that brings you to each other first of all, otherwise you might reject each other or might not notice each other even if you are duals and even if you are able to talk to each other in the right way with an easy flowing conversation that never ends.

So, oddly enough, I’m often more attracted to my ‘mirage’ relations, the SEE-ESFP like Agustin and Jesse, and less attracted to my dual the IEE-ENFP if it happens to be someone who is less sexy.

I will just keep on talking to him whenever I can and finding out whether the conversation is able to keep on growing forever without running out.

That’s right… it’s the super fat guy.

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