Beautiful people

I probably think that just about any foreign people are beautiful. When I had a laptop I would sometimes do google searches for people from various countries and spend a long time looking at them; however, this was usually drug induced (whatever herbal drugs, like ginseng, St. John’s Wort, or caffeine).

I am still continuing with my inconvenient hopeless crush on Agustin. There is a barrier that I cannot go through to be comfortable with him, and it is more than just a language barrier. I know from past experience that it’s hard to get together with my socionic mirage relation.

There are other people who I can hug more easily. I have to be able to hug someone easily and quickly, or I will never get through the barrier.

Or I can get through the barrier, but with great difficulty, over months, like with Jesse. With Jesse, I was still under the influence of a lot of drug residues and I was suggestible. "They" forced me to pursue him and told me what to say. If the voices in your head have to forcibly suggest for you to say or do something in order to hold a conversation, then that relationship will never be easy or natural or free flowing. It has to be a relationship where people talk spontaneously and give exactly the right feedback.

Does that mean I can stop being attracted to him? No, that continues. I love the color of his skin, reddish brown (the same for all of them, red on their palms and lips, red undertones throughout). They all have straight black hair that grows very fast – such a terrible, terrible loss to keep short hair on them. Long hair would be incredible.

I’m not ovulating yet – I bought a test kit again so that I can know which day it’s happening. I just keep getting pestered by "the voices" who want me to blog about this and that. I might mention that in one situation a few weeks ago I overheard the word "immodesto" being used, and a similar situation happened again today, but I won’t say exactly what this is. I’m pretty sure that word means the same in Spanish as it does in English. Maybe I should check to be sure, though. I assumed "chingadera" meant something along the lines of "sexy woman," since chinga is sex, but I looked it up and it means something more like "that fucking thing." So I should check. Anyway, "they" want me to describe the situation, but that’s not advisable.

I’m still hoping to somehow encounter a dual from Guatemala among their friends and family who sometimes come here, but that’s not likely.

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