Ginseng again. Not camping yet

I bought a different type and brand of ginseng a few days ago, hoping it might have fewer side effects. I took it at bedtime on Tuesday night, but could not sleep. It made me hyper. It did make me sociable at work, and so I bonded with Augustin again. I try not to use the ginseng every day. I wish I could tell them, "I’m not mad at you, I’m just taking an herb that changes my moods and I hate having to use it so I don’t use it every day."

It causes me to look in people’s eyes more, when normally, I automatically avoid eye contact.

It caused me to have another attack of unstoppable laughing. Augustin was informing the waiter, John (his socionic conflictor, LII), about which bowls had which food in them. He said the Indian names of the foods. He wasn’t actually speaking English, but he was speaking words I recognized. He spoke in a voice and mannerism that sounded, for all the world, exactly like Jesse ("Mexican" Jesse). He mumbled and slurred the words a little bit with a few tiny mistakes, although it was mostly okay.

I was standing close by when this happened, with my moods still affected by ginseng, and all of a sudden I was like "bwah-hahahahahaha" except I had to keep it all in. So I ran away and tried to hide my suppressed laughter and tears over by the sink.

It just went ON and ON. Very similar to people who laugh when they smoke marijuana. Every time I tried to forget, the hilarious thoughts came back. Not only that but I also remembered Arturo teasing Gerber about how he had said something that sounded like "chicken chicken, and lamb chicken" as though that was an adjective-noun phrase. This memory kept reappearing while I was trying to stop laughing.

I briefly made myself frown by thinking about my cat Max and how he got hit by a car and died. Then I thought of Alexander, another beloved stray cat who died from some kind of digestive problem. This managed to wipe the smile off my face for about ten seconds, but then the uncontrollable hilarity came back.

I wish I could bond and socialize without herbal drugs, because I sincerely intend to stop using them, and I will suddenly change into a silent, boring, miserable person when I stop.

I have been hearing voices that urge me to write a note on paper to Augustin, which I would be able to write in Spanish. My response to the voices was, just because God tells you to do something doesn’t mean it’s a good thing to do. I don’t actually believe the voices are God, for one thing, and also, I have a long, long list of previous disasters that happened when the voices tried to urge me to pursue this or that guy I had a crush on.

However, Augustin says phrases to me that are recognizable enough that I know, at least, he doesn’t find me horrifyingly repulsive. He sometimes has said "mi amor" or "amora," it sounded like, although that’s only on our best days, and not when I’m having an awful day or am being antisocial due to lack of ginseng. I can’t tell how normal it is for a friendly, outgoing, affectionate Guatemalan to say "my love" or "my dear" to someone – people can say that in a friendly way in English too. But at least it means I don’t completely disgust him. I just wish, so much, that I could be socially interactive without herbal drugs.

I forgot what I wrote as the title of this post: I’m not yet camping. I am still in the house. Mike’s nephew’s lease ends on July 18th.

Another Spanish speaking guy came in and I heard them say "Julio." Of course, I realized, they are naming them after months of the year – August, and July. But actually, I’m probably seeing it backwards, because the months were named after ancient emperors. So maybe it doesn’t mean they’re all named after the months they’re born in. And then I wondered, is there a Decembrio? Or other months as names?

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3 Responses to “Ginseng again. Not camping yet”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Look at his feet he is turning!

    E

  2. Anonymous Says:

    turn turn turn a time to….

  3. Nicole Says:

    That actually looks kind of painful. Twisted knees are not a good thing.

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