Why are you not allowed to hate your phone?

One click led to another and I ended up starting to read an article called "I hate my iPhone." I got disgusted and gave up reading it because the author seemed unsure of whether she was allowed to hate her phone. I am absolutely certain that a huge number of electronic devices are horrible, and it’s their fault, not mine.

But there is a troll army out there, whose personality type is often IEI, my superego – a relation which you can have irreconcilable conflicts with, and endless arguments (although this relation can often be pretty good or neutral).

These trolls insist that the software makers are always right, and your trivial complaints are mere first world problems that deserve to be brushed aside. Who cares if it’s a little bit slow when we have processors able to work at the speed of light and they ought to be processing trivial amounts of data at that moment – slowness is merely the price you pay for how awesome it is!

I don’t know if these are PAID trolls, but they could be – we have to remember that paid trolls actually exist, that people all over the internet knew they existed but were told they were just being paranoid, and then Edward Snowden got documents proving that large corporations, including banks, pay people to do nothing but spread disinformation on the internet all day long.

These people demoralize anyone who complains about their hatred of badly designed appliances, devices, and software. They make them feel weak, as though they’re even being a traitor to America by hating modern software, as though you might even be KILLED for that.

Speaking of which, why am I not able to save a draft more than once and overwrite the existing draft in gmail? I can only save one draft, one time. Who cares if I write an entire novel after having saved the draft? I don’t have any word processors that autosave. Yet the stuff I’m typing has a high likelihood of being erased. One wrong button push and the entire thing I spent 45 minutes typing is gone.

Any article complaining about software needs to be 100% sure of its own rightness. Is "hating software and appliances" one of those topics that will get you blacklisted as a paid blogger? Actually it wouldn’t surprise me. Bad software is part of the control system – it’s meant to spy on you, meant to be used to crash your car to assassinate you – anyone who doesn’t believe their computer controlled car is hackable is a fool. So it’s part of the death program just like vaccines. I should read more about Vaxxed, but it’s hard to do anything at all online right now.

But really, gmail, I can save a draft one time only, and then it’s grayed out and I can’t push that button anymore! Who the hell saves only one draft, one time, while writing? Then what do I have to do, close my current page and then go to the place where the draft is saved, or what? Oh, woe is me, a few keystrokes, first world problem – but what if I wrote for an entire half hour after saving that draft? I don’t want to risk closing that page.

Anyway I was just pointing out that hating, passionately hating with all the fire of your soul, hating software is taboo, and a paid team of disinformation trolls is out there right now, writing article after article about how awesome our technological advances are and how trivial the downsides and how "simple," "basic," "functional" devices are unimportant, unnecessary, and shamefully un-awesome and boring.

Those are the same programs with hackable backdoors that can kill you, which is not a mere first world problem, especially in cars. Not just hacking but the sheer unusability and insanity of the software itself, like the MyFord car computer system.

An interesting side note, I read about corporations that had ties to slavery, or that used prison labor. Some car makers were on that list. My beloved Guatemalan coworkers aren’t completely unpaid, although all restaurant work is still slavery. But it’s the normal degree of covert slavery, and not overt slavery like I thought.

It’s fun to guess the sociotypes of coworkers who are speaking gibberish. Once again, I proved that the hardcore, facial bone structure and body shape structure type of socionics visual identification is totally real and totlally legit. I typed the ESI almost entirely by VI without knowing a word he said, and over time that typing has remained stable. ESI, my beneficiary relation. I typed the LSE, the one who speaks English, the main cook – mirror relation, easy to type. Two more guys I was unsure of but I have one typed either IEE (my dual) or SEE (mirage). The guy who swears a lot is of totally unknown type. For some reason he and I cannot interact at all. I first thought he was a SLE (extinguisher). The voices said he might be SEI but I don’t know if they were serious. I wondered if he was LIE because they, too, swear a lot in English – I know LIEs whose types I was pretty sure of at previous jobs who shouted the f-word a lot. But I actually have no idea of his type and something prevents me from interacting with him.

The ESI was the easiest to break through, with my nonexistent Spanish. He somehow began to understand me the first time I merely said "perdon" while trying to get past him. After that, he reciprocated by starting to use the basic politeness words in English to me. I guess he knows that if my Spanish is so horrible, I won’t judge him for his accented English.

The XEE (IEE or SEE) was a loud, wild, talkative guy who wouldn’t lie down to sleep for siesta, but instead played on his phone while talking about whatever he was doing. It turned out that he didn’t need the siesta break because he almost always works only half the day, either morning or evening, and if he leaves, the typeless guy whose walls I cannot penetrate comes in for the other shift.

It is amazing how much I can figure out nonverbally if I have only one ir two words. I know "con" means "with," and I recognize some names that are the same in English, so if a guy walks in the door smiling happily, gets asked by all the guys what he was doing (I inferred), and he says "Chinga con (Recognizable female name)," and all the guys get excited and start talking about Chinga, for many minutes, I can piece together that chinga means sex without looking it up in Urban Dictionary, but indeed the urban dictionary verified I was right. Chinga is one of the most recognizable often used words, and articles online jokingly say it’s the only word you need to know.

The XEE used "chaparro" so often I had to look it up. It literally is like "shorty" or "short person," but it’s used kind of like "buddy" or even "honey," although I don’t know the nuances of how much affection it expresses. He uses it constantly to the LSE. I remembered a female XEE from McDonald’s who had loving names for me, like "Colio" and "Nicolio" and other stuff – she too distributed loving affection with nicknames very often.

I’m unsure of my ability to distinguish SEEs from IEEs.

I don’t know how many of these guys are family, but some call each other "primo," cousin.

One time the XEE made a facial expression at me, from across the room, while talking to the ESI, using a couple words I recognized, and at the look on his face I suddenly burst out laughing-crying uncontrollably. It was totally unexpected. I had no idea that I was going to feel a sudden overwhelmingly intense emotion out of nowhere from across the room. It was like he threw an invisible javelin at me. I don’t know the details of what they were saying. He then got on the phone and had a long serious conversation.

I do know how to count from one to ten, and I do know that "chiquita" is a girl, and the ESI saying "dos chiquitas?" while glancing at me, seems odd. I did think this XEE was cute and lovable from very early on, although I can’t hear most of what he says.

Jesse comes to visit in August, briefly. I have been so horribly alone for so long. Steve stops by and says hello while I’m working. The door is open for fresh air, and the dish sink is by the door, so I do see Steve.

But the experience of having a high school crush again at age 41, while also not hearing a word he says and having to piece it together with nonverbal expressions and actions – maybe nothing comes of this, but it gives me a reason to go to work every day. I have been so horribly alone and without the outlet for devotion, which I must express – as awful as that gay guy in the movie "Magnolia" saying "I have so much love, but nowhere to put it," in the bar scene. It is horrible to be capable of devotion but to have no outlet for this energy, this part of yourself, for long periods of time. My need to devote myself to someone is intense, to be by his side, listen to him, do whatever he needs. No one receives this devotion from me, and I cannot give it to Jesse over a long distance. It is a physical connection over a small space, in one room or within a few feet of distance, to hear and observe someone, to know what is happening, to guard him from danger, to help him, to cooperate, to know if he is having problems and to do something about it. I couldn’t help him while he was learning to cook and was overwhelmed with orders coming in, because I can’t cook there yet. I did not like to watch his distress, but the LSE helped him. I know all about having too many orders while you’re learning. The boss is LSI, either his conflict or supervision relation, so their information processing methods are incompatible.

Yesterday I was made aware that I could lose him in an instant if he quit. I hope the conflict relation with the boss doesn’t lead to quitting.

There are actually more details to these events. I shouldn’t be writing about it at all. Writing is an evil, a sin, where immersion into the immediate moment, without detachment, is a virtue. I am mind controlled, and I no longer judge sins in a realm where I have no choice, and anyway, I’m immersed in the act of thumb typing. But gossip will taint me with self-distrust, and blogging is gossip, and the voices will try to make me believe he reads my blog or something.

I have no idea what to do. If only duals were so plentiful I could always trust that if I lost one he would be immediately replaced. But they are rare in the food industry. I never encounter them, especially not male duals. I don’t even feel sure I can distinguish them from SEEs.

I should post this before I accidentally delete it.

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