I can get a trial version

I actually wrote them my question and someone answered me. She said I could get a trial version for $20. I wonder if I can just get the trial version without training.

I have a feeling that screaming ‘THEY CAN ALL DIE’ at the end of my previous blog wasn’t a good idea, considering that we just recently had a big shooting incident. Just remember I write what the voices tell me to write, but I don’t actually act on these things, I just go to my job and wash the dishes and I drink energy drinks.

I never drank energy drinks before, and I might not keep drinking them. I’ve only had a few so far. I only thought I would try them to see if they were any better than, say, regular coffee. Maybe a little, but not really. However, I do go into withdrawal from them in the middle of the night, and have night terrors. Every time I’ve drunk them so far I’ve ended up terrified in the middle of the night.

As usual, I have fallen into the slave money hemorrhaging cycle: you work so many hours that you aren’t able to develop any kind of food preparation routine, so you start buying things every day before work. I don’t have any drink preparation station where I can make premade coffees and bring them to work, or premade tea, in huge bulk for efficiency, and then store it in the freezer or something. I don’t have enough bottles for that. I need bottles that can safely freeze without breaking. Since I have none of this, I’m buying drinks before work every day and losing all the money I earned.

The fewer hours you work, the more time you have to prepare things at home. Money saving always requires time and effort and work, as opposed to convenience, where you buy something expensive which is already made for you. I am forced to buy convenience foods due to the total absence of my free time, the total nonexistence of it. I’m wasting so much money I don’t think I will even be able to afford to buy myself a battery for my bike so I don’t have to use Eric’s. I haven’t calculated how much that is yet, either. I’d have to choose which one I’m getting, and that requires research, which can require long hours of frustrating effort, which I cannot do after work. The only day off I have is Sunday.

The slave cycle also takes away all of your free time so that you can’t even spend a few minutes thinking deeply about how you might improve your life. ‘One Coherent Thought’ has been my approach to this problem. If I can only think of one, just one, coherent thing which is actable, in the short term – ‘Go do this’ – something finite and small, but which leads to a permanent improvement in my life – I might be able to think of only one thing like that per day, or even one per week, but if it’s greater than zero, then it will slowly improve my life.

However, this phenomenon is only happening when I take ginseng. If I do not use ginseng, then I have zero coherent thoughts per month, and per six months, and per year.

However, if I were to quit caffeine, I believe I would have even more coherent thoughts, because that was what happened when I quit it before. My brain began to regrow, and I began thinking coherent thoughts effortlessly. I also began spontaneously to do chores without even mentally preparing myself for them or ‘mustering up the will.’ I did not have to muster up any will, I just did them, on impulse. Caffeine destroys spontaneous action, says Peter Breggin, and replaces it with obsession.

Caffeine is the evil soul murdering tool of slavery. It must be completely gone from my life. Absolute zero is the only acceptable amount of caffeine. It cannot be just ‘one cup per day.’ One cup per day prevents the brain from healing, and I know because I have tried this. It has to be ‘zero cups per year.’ The brain cannot heal in 24 hours in between your one cup of coffee or even one cup of tea. It takes weeks and maybe even months to heal from caffeine use. It is a massive, massive injury to the brain. It is the murder of the soul. It is the tool of total enslavement.

I will probably go make myself a cup of coffee after writing this. But that doesn’t mean I’m not serious. I’m totally serious about this. I want to get to a place where I feel safe enough that I can stop using caffeine. When I quit it, I will lie in bed doing nothing for weeks, or even months, and I’ve experienced this before. I can’t afford to do that while working and while constantly on the brink of utter disaster.

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2 Responses to “I can get a trial version”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    It’s Palindrome Week! Every day this week is the same backward as forward:

    6-12-16
    6-13-16
    6-14-16
    6-15-16
    6-16-16
    6-17-16
    6-18-16
    6-19-16

    Crazy, man!

    Comment by mozart on June 15, 2016 @ 7:57 am

  2. Nicole Says:

    I wonder how many times this happens. Once every thousand years?

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