yeah, secondhand smoke contamination seems helpful

I can totally understand why people smoke. After getting some secondhand smoke on me and my clothing I’m able to do paperwork a little easier. I’m filling out an application for food stamps again. If I wanted nicotine to be available somewhere, I could plant those flowers that they sell at the grocery store or Wal-Mart or wherever it was. There is a variety of ‘decorative tobacco,’ which is NOT purely decorative. All types of flower in this family are going to contain nicotine, just like ‘decorative poppy’ also contains opium. Just because some plant contains only a low dosage of a drug doesn’t mean it’s useless. It certainly is not useless for an extremely chemical sensitive person who doesn’t need a high dose anyway.

And speaking of not needing a high dose, the hopniss needs to be moved. I am not able to handle it. I have it outside the front door near the walkway. If anybody even so much as walks in the front door, they bring a waft of air in with them, which follows them up the stairs, and this breeze of air clinging to them comes in through the crack of my bedroom door, causing me and my cat both to become ill. This happened this morning when Eric came home. I smelled it as he walked past my door. It’s not a smell, but a sensation. Jacob started making funny little huffing noises like he was almost sneezing but not entirely. If I go out the front door, I feel like I’m going to pass out. I have had nothing but constant vomit urges that have to be constantly suppressed. Yesterday when Steve picked me up and took me out to get some food, I couldn’t eat it on the first try. I took a few bites and then had to suppress the vomiting. I waited a little while, and ate the rest later, after the vomit urges passed.

I don’t want to kill this plant. I don’t want to wrap it in a garbage bag and send it off to the landfill. But that would be the easiest thing to do, since I don’t have a car and it’s so hard to get anywhere. If I could, I’d drive to the middle of some nature reserve and put it there. If the nature reserves can handle being filled with deadly, evil, life-ruining, murderous, invented-by-Satan-himself, Rhododendron plants, which are EVERYWHERE, then surely they can also handle having some wild growing hopniss in them, which is only just slightly less invented by Satan himself, maybe only by one of Satan’s minions.

I still feel sorry for the plant, and I still want to see what happens when it grows and gets strong. Maybe it won’t put off such deadly fumes after it settles in and is growing happily… except, in my experience, the rhododendron plants are putting out deadly fumes even when they are not threatened and are perfectly secure and settled in their location. They are constantly poisonous even when not under stress. rhododendrons cause heart attacks. they cause chest pains, angina. they cause contamination which is long lasting.

Butterfly weed, the orange milkweed, also causes angina and heart attacks. It was allegedly used as something beginning with a p. Pleurisy weed. Pleurisy is one of those breathing ailments that don’t exist anymore because we are no longer surrounded by coal burning smoke constantly. I’m assuming that’s what caused pleurisy.

I cannot touch or be near rhododendrons, or butterfly weed, or hopniss. but there are rhododendrons right outside, and they are not bothering me anymore. It seems to be only the wild ones that are growing in the nature reserves that attempt to kill me if I approach them and foolishly take up close photographs of them. the domestic ones seem to be less lethal.

I still cannot help wondering if maybe the hopniss won’t be so bad if only I just put it way, way back in the far corner of the backyard, and let it continue to grow in the pot. the cats won’t encounter it so often. there are a couple neighbors’ cats who walk around in the yard sometimes but they wouldn’t go back there by the fence so much. Nobody would walk in its path or its vicinity if it was back there by the fence.

My battery on the computer has gotten such a bad connection to the cord that I have to manually hold the cord in place in order to charge the battery. It has to be in exactly the right position, and even when it gets in that position, it will suddenly stop charging for no reason even if I haven’t moved it at all. the battery is running down, right now.

so, I could grow, quote, ‘decorative’ tobacco. If I needed a painkiller I could grow ‘decorative’ poppy plants. that is what happens when you’re a chemical sensitive person. I’m sure I would notice the nicotine in a decorative tobacco plant. I haven’t ever seen any decorative tobacco plants or decorative poppies and so I’ve never tested them to see if I can detect the tiny amounts of drugs in them.

there was a story online which I found while attempting to research the connection between rhododendron plants and heart attacks. I’ve mentioned this before. there was a guy who was in the process of judging a rhododendron plant competition. He died of a heart attack while in the midst of judging the competition, out of nowhere. He must have been touching and handling a lot of different varieties of rhododendron for the purpose of the competition. to me this is not a coincidence – his death was caused by the flowers. but the article said, ‘At least he died while doing something he loved.’ No – he died BECAUSE of doing something he loved.

I can’t even tolerate having the hopniss near my front door. the very least that needs to happen is it needs to be relocated. If I absolutely cannot bear to wrap the plant in a garbage bag and send it to the landfill, then the next best thing will have to be that I must move it to a corner of the backyard. It was ridiculous. when eric walked in this morning, he brought the fumes of the plant all the way up the stairs with him and the fumes came in my bedroom door, making me feel slightly dizzy and making Jacob start his little huffing noises for a minute.

The fumes! Merely from walking past the plant, which was about ten feet away from the front door. He didn’t even walk down the walkway that the plant is next to. the plant was ten feet away from him at the closest point, when he came in the front door. He came from the driveway, not the walkway entrance. the fumes have such a radius, and are so strong within that radius, that this happened. It is unbelievable. and is my cat Jacob ‘chemical sensitive?’ No, I have never believed that he was. He never vomits. He never has any problems at all, other than being obese.

I’m going to go back to working on filling out the food stamps forms again.

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