spending quality time with the spawn of satan’s minions – my hopniss plants

so I spent a little while sitting next to the pot of hopniss plants out in the sun. In the sun, the poisons should get broken down more quickly by ultraviolet rays, the same way that the suspected similar poisons in jicama also get broken down by UV.

I’ve got a shit ton of ginger to eat. I bought it yesterday. If I need it, it’s here.

I actually was eating lunch at the same time as spending quality time with the hopniss. I was inhaling the miasma of the hopniss while eating. I also ate the leaves of some of the plants from the *other* plant pots that had originally been next to the hopniss pot before I moved it. they weren’t right next to it, but a foot or two away, in the miasma zone. I have some goosefoot, lamb’s quarters, which I ate, and some thyme, a few tiny bits of cilantro because that one isn’t big enough to eat much of yet, and some swiss chard.

the worst of the problems don’t seem to happen immediately – they really do seem to appear hours later. I need to find out what a protease inhibitor is – that’s what the university hopniss expert said might possibly be in there. I’m, like, friends with famous people or something. I’m emailing famous hopniss researchers at famous universities.

I’m sure not very many people email that person asking questions about hopniss. He seemed surprised and kind of flattered. I had to sort of stalk him over the internet, finding out who it was and where was his contact information. I had heard several times about somebody somewhere at a university who was studying hopniss to find out whether it could be domesticated for commercial production, and I had also heard that nothing much came of it.

Maybe I’ll read a little about protease inhibitors.

I’m probably going to really regret this and be proven a fool, but, I have this fantasy that this horrible, evil, spawn of minions just needs my unconditional love and nurturing in order for it to become more tolerable. Later on today when I’m in the hospital as a result of sitting next to the hopniss in the miasma while eating, I’ll probably change my mind about that.

but the poor little hopniss plant has been transported hundreds of miles from where the tubers were produced, ordered from over the internet, sent through the mail in a package, ripped out of the soil, cut off from the parent plant and the roots, and it doesn’t know what’s going on. so then it tried to grow a little bit, but I uprooted the whole thing again, although not completely – I took the whole clod of dirt that it was in, but the clod of dirt kind of crumbled apart a bit.

I think I counted about nine sprouts. If I recall correctly, I ordered twelve tubers. I’m guessing that one tuber can produce multiple sprouts, but these are only just starting. some of them are still very small. a few of them have grown quite a bit and are now obviously a vine. those vines are all wilted and damaged from having been crushed, so they will probably die and have to start over. It won’t have killed the tubers. they’ll just regrow from the roots. It’s only damaged the vine.

so I just sat there for a long time next to the pot, looking over the plant, looking at every detail, accepting it for what it is, and observing my sensations of sickness, which were mild and still are mild. I made sure to eat plenty of food for lunch.

this thing about feeling better if I eat might be similar to alcohol. I don’t drink alcohol, but I have read that if you do drink alcohol, then you will process the alcohol much more quickly if you eat food along with it. It is not merely because the food somehow blocks the absorption or binds with the alcohol, but rather, due to the fact that you’ve eaten food, your liver and digestive system start producing a lot more enzymes, and those enzymes help break down the alcohol too.

I’ll see how I feel a few hours from now. I know I’m not going to die. It doesn’t feel like death. It just feels like having an urge to vomit which is annoying because I am afraid to vomit in public. I’m also afraid to vomit when I’m alone, but vomiting in public is much, much worse. I don’t want to vomit while riding the bus, or while inside a public building with lots of people. If I vomit, I want to go far away from everybody.

I truly hope that I don’t get badly sick a few hours from now. I want to get past this. I want to get the plants settled in, and then I want to figure them out, even if it’s a challenge. Millions of strangers on the internet claim that hopniss is edible, and, as we all know, millions of strangers on the internet cannot possibly be wrong, and they would never lie about anything either. 😀

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