Okay! Hopniss is moved!

I moved it to the backyard, although not to the way back corner. I can still see it and go to it easily. It’s in the brighter sun now. It doesn’t want to be in total bright sun – when hopniss is in full sun, the leaves kind of fold up like they’re protecting themselves. but it needs at least a little sun. I even watered it! I do feel sensations of sickness and weakness, but, it’s odd – the effect isn’t so strong at first, but seems to gradually accumulate over a period of hours. If it’s true that it’s a protease inhibitor, maybe I gradually get sick as my protease is slowly destroyed or something, which doesn’t happen instantly. It also seems to improve if I keep something in my stomach instead of starving. I’ve had food-related issues because of thinking I had to move out (now I’m not sure if I do) and I got rid of my food in the freezer. tons of wasted food because I thought I’d have to be gone in a few days.

I really, really don’t want to throw away this plant. the voices in my head keep urging me to throw it away and get rid of it completely. It’s hard not to do it when they give me an urge to throw it away as soon as I wake up in the morning. It was the first thought in my mind this morning. but I just want to see. I can’t justify this.

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