‘Nobody 0,’ the hardcore character who really dies, which will segue into a discussion of when it is appropriate to act like something is a deadly danger, and when it is not (my conflict going on with the socionic superego at TB)

11:54 AM 10/23/2015

I took two caffeine pills when I got up today, which is becoming the norm. That means this will be long and verbose.

I did a couple unusual things in the last few days. I rented a car, briefly. I wanted to see if I could run errands more easily and get them done.

I did a small amount of laundry, got my new driver’s license (the photo looks like a starving vampire with a sunburn), took a shower at the YMCA (I am taking a shower, literally, like every two weeks, or perhaps even less often than that – my hair is at maximum greasiness, and I just comb it into a perfectly tidy smooth center part, then braid it), went on two small road trips, one of which was at night so I couldn’t really see any scenery, but I was excited to see a medium-sized cat-like creature, which probably was only a fox, but for a few minutes I imagined it was a cougar, and the second trip was a quick trip to Belleville where the Amish people live, so that I could see small farms and feel happy and wish I had a similar lifestyle. I don’t want to become Amish, but it’s similar enough to the things that I do want that it makes me feel happy to look at them.

I kept the car parked in the parking garage in town. I don’t have a place where I can put it without fear that it will be towed away or that it will annoy somebody.

What else did I do? I forget, a couple other things. I drove all over town, eating food from random places. Oh, that’s right, I went shopping at Wal-Mart. That was the big one – I had to get a couple more camping supplies, which are very hard to carry on the bus, large objects like a sleeping bag and some insulated blue roll thingies. I also got a thermometer to hang in the tent. It’s now hooked on a random object, a little metal bar that I removed from my frame backpack, which had been there to hold open the opening of the backpack, but which was sticking out at the ends and snagging everything I put in there. Since this is sort of a do-it-yourselfy style backpack, I was able to just pull out the metal bar from the sleeve it was inserted in. Now that metal bar is hooked through a little loop on the ceiling of my tent, with a thermometer hooked on it.

Since I’ve been playing Terraria, my love of tools has reawakened. There’s this thing you can do in the game, where you combine several gadgets together into one do-it-all gadget, like a Swiss army knife. You use something called the Tinkerer’s Workshop. For some reason this has been reminding me that I love to buy tools (when I’m not throwing away all of my belongings due to herbal drug residue contamination, which, by the way, is very similar to ‘the corruption’ in the game, as it spreads and ruins everything).

Anyway, when I went to Wal-Mart, I had this desire to buy all the tools, every single tool and gadget they had, even if I didn’t know how to use it or had no use for it. However, I used to do that to the point where it was unfocused, and all the tools sat around being unused, underutilized capacity. I loved buying the colorful Aquarelle paint crayons from… what is the name? Some Swiss company or something. Caran D’ache. I used them to make cartoon-like pictures, but mostly, I just loved having a bunch of beautiful colored crayons in a beautiful metal box. I just loved *having* them, and having them in perfect condition.

So I have a tendency to do this thing, which everybody of my personality type (ISTP / SLI) experiences, this tool hoarding tendency. I’m just not doing it because of the drug residue contamination where I threw away everything I owned, and got in the habit of never buying anything at all unless it was something that could be thrown away without much pain.

But now I’ve been having this fantasy that I will continue to live in a tent, but rent a few things needed to start my own business, right now. I’ll rent a pickup truck, and then, go around and collect furniture that the college students are throwing out on the curb. I’ll put it all into a storage unit, which I will rent in advance, because I discovered that all of them get rented out and are completely full – we need a LOT more storage units in this town! We could probably have ten more storage unit facilities, and every one would be instantly filled to capacity. This is a profit opportunity.

Anyway, I’d put the junk furniture in storage, and then sell it somehow. I wouldn’t have a showroom or warehouse that people could walk around in, yet, and that would be a problem. So I have no idea where I would sell it. Using a website to sell it wouldn’t work very well. I want this to be a thrift store where people can get the furniture extremely cheap, and it would be understood that it’s junk. The furniture would be imperfect, but extremely plentiful. You cannot imagine what people throw away in this town. It is unthinkable.

I had another thing I was going to write about, but there probably won’t be time. Actually two things. I started doing the ‘hardcore’ characters in Terraria, and also, I wanted to complain about something going on at Taco Bell. I won’t have enough time to write them this morning because in a little while I will have to go out the door to go to work.

I took two caffeine pills this morning. I have been much more tired than usual, and I am going to bed too late at night, playing Terraria. This game is infinite, and so I am going to be playing it for YEARS, so I will have to make some arrangement where this doesn’t interfere with my sleep so much. I haven’t gotten bored or frustrated enough yet to quit it or take a break from it. I do sometimes get into areas that are harder and more frustrating – I don’t enjoy exploring the dungeon right now, for instance, the regular dungeon, not the one I found underground in the jungle which I haven’t even looked into yet, but the other dungeon that has Skeletron guarding it at first.

I defeated Skeletron. But the dungeon itself is a pain in the ass to get through. So I’m sort of like, ‘Ehh, I don’t feel like going into the dungeon today, I’ll just do something else.’ I sometimes run out of goals on my list of things to do in Terraria, and I wander aimlessly fooling around with no particular purpose. You have to have a purpose to achieve there. The monsters are never killed forever, so they will always spawn again when you go back to an area. You can’t get rid of them and be done with them once and for all. So, if you just wander around, there will be infinite small monsters to fight.

Anyway, I reached that sort of ‘mehh’ point in my softcore main character’s world. ‘Softcore’ means the character never really dies or loses anything. You ‘die,’ but then you spawn again back at a particular location, and you still have all your belongings, you just drop a little bit of money, and if you don’t want to keep dropping money, then just remember to deposit your money in a trunk before you leave town, so you won’t lose very much, and all you have to do is go find where you died (it’s marked with a red X on the map) and collect the money again. I played a softcore character, with a world made on the ‘easy’ setting, just so I could learn how it all works and learn what kind of things I will have to fight.

But then I made a world on the ‘expert’ setting instead, the hardest. Monsters are much harder to kill. Then, I started creating characters that were ‘hardcore.’ There is softcore, mediumcore, and hardcore. With mediumcore, when you die, your character spawns again at a location, but you’ve lost all your belongings (and I haven’t tried that one yet, so I don’t know the details – I jumped straight to hardcore from softcore). In harcore, you die permanently, lose all your belongings, and lose whatever attributes your character has gained. So, if you find life crystals that permanently increase the number of hearts you have, or if you increase the number of mana stars you have, all of those achievements are permanently lost too, and you’ll have to start a new character who has only three hearts and one mana star.

So I jumped into this impossibly difficult world on the ‘expert’ setting, with a newly created hardcore character who had absolutely nothing, and was so weak he would die from a brief encounter with the smallest, easiest monsters. I decided to just dig straight down into the ground, then cover the hole with dirt, and dig a hole sideways underground, just under the layer of topsoil. I discovered by accident that I was able to chop down trees while standing
underground, and then suction all of the chopped wood and acorns and flowers and mushrooms and anything else that I chopped down, from above into the underground tunnel, which is physically impossible, but it doesn’t matter, the game allows that. I can’t kill monsters while standing underground though.

So I was able to do that. The first thing you have to do in a world is build a house, so that you can have a safe place for yourself and other NPCs (non-player characters, the other people who appear in the game to sell you things, or give you information, or whatever). I was able to gather enough resources to build a house, but then I died in a trivial battle with some easy monsters.

So I started learning all the details of how it works on the ‘hardcore’ setting. When you die, you turn into a ghost, who can float around without limit, and go look at everything, although no monsters appear so you can’t see what they will look like. I named my characters disposable names: ‘Nobody 0’ was the first, then ‘Nobody 1,’ and so on. Anyway, you can use this ghost to look at the situation, so that you can make plans for next time. You can understand whatever it was that went wrong, and make a plan for how you will approach it again.

I was emotionally attached to my first hardcore character, but yet, I knew it was inevitable he would die (I alternate male and female characters, just depending on my mood). I’m pretending that their deaths actually matter. I’m appreciating their contributions and legacies to the world – Nobody 0 built the first house. Building infrastructure is essential to the game, and makes it easier for everybody else to survive.

Well, now I am trying to mine lead ore, so that I can build an anvil. I’ve built a furnace, and I’ve built a chest that I can put objects into, so that the next character will have a few valuable items from the beginning. However, when I get killed, the lead ore that I’m carrying falls out and disappears forever, and yet, the tunnel I mined remains, without any lead ore in it. I’ve gotten killed several times while carrying extremely valuable lead ore, and I’m rationalizing that lead ore is known to be extremely valuable, and I’m being ‘robbed and murdered’ by the monsters who are stealing the lead ore. So, to avoid being robbed and murdered, I have to get home as quickly as possible if I am carrying even the smallest amount of valuable lead ore, and put it in the trunk.

I haven’t even begun to get into the problem of what happens when you find Life Crystals that permanently increase your number of hearts, and I haven’t attempted to increase my amount of mana stars either. When you die, those attributes are also lost. When I get to the point where I am able to find life crystals (they’re very deep underground, and it’s impossible for me to go there right now), I’ll have to decide what I will do with them. I think I will save them all and give them all to some future character, but yet, I will have to plan a careful strategy for that, and make the world as safe as possible so that this character won’t die instantly, and give that character the job of finding more life crystals for future generations.

You always have to plan a strategy for what you will use yourself, versus what you will leave for future generations. Everything you do will require a preplanned strategy. The tiniest little things can kill you, and I am learning about all these stupid accidents – for instance, there was some kind of glitch, or maybe normal behavior of the game, where monsters were falling through a solid floor in a particular place, but I had a tiny hole nearby that was too small for them to go through, and I still can’t figure out why they were falling through the floor there, and that glitch unfairly killed a character who was carrying a lot of lead ore at the time. It’s impossible to plan for those unfair glitches.

The voices in my head are most likely the cause of this, because the voices started talking about it every time I was carrying lead ore, and they started giving me warnings and saying ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ and things like that, so it was probably done by hackers. I started getting attacked by unusual monsters in abnormal situations where they wouldn’t normally be, every time I was carrying lead ore, and, as I usually experience with hackers, they demonstrated every tiny flaw and vulnerability in what I was doing. So the hackers are doing that very thing again, but this time, with the game.

No, I am not saying that I like that. It’s something I got used to, years ago when I was being tortured and harassed, in the very beginning, before I knew about electronic mind control, and before I knew that antidepressant drugs cause intense rage and anger and violence, even herbal drugs like St. John’s Wort. I was battling with hackers, and also using SJW, and I was extremely violently angry all the time, and the hackers demonstrated over and over again that they were able to get past every single barrier that I put up against them, so I learned that firewalls are utterly useless, and antivirus software is utterly useless, and all that, and I even learned that the hackers could get into a computer that was disconnected from the internet – it was ‘air gapped,’ with no cable plugged in anywhere, and it also did NOT have any kind of wifi antenna, because I deliberately bought one that didn’t have wifi (many years ago when it was still possible to buy a computer that did not have any kind of wifi antenna in it!), and yet, it got hacked anyway, by using electronic weapons.

It is something that I hate, and it still makes me angry, but since I’m not taking any kind of antidepressants anymore (and also, I decontaminated myself from the drug residues on all my belongings), the anger doesn’t turn into violent murderous rage. The goal was to torture me so that I would develop the syndrome of Learned
Helplessness, which I do indeed have – I could walk out of this cage, but I’m afraid I’m going to be electrically shocked, even if there isn’t an electrical shock there. It’s a cheap and easy way to keep victims enslaved – trick them into thinking they’re helpless when actually, you are smaller and less powerful than you appear to be, and the torture devices are less universal, less omnipotent and less omniscient than they appear to be, and it doesn’t matter – the victim believes they are everywhere and all-powerful and unavoidable, so the victim cannot walk out of the cage.

They are using other methods to prevent me from leaving, too – forcing me to get crushes on one guy after another, who then becomes unreachable for one reason or another – they forced me to have the interaction with Rick years ago, and they forced me to accomplish goals they wanted to accomplish for him – apparently their goal was to force him to divorce his wife, which probably was the result of the interaction with me, but I don’t know for sure. This time, they gave me Jesse to fall in love with, and then almost instantly made him inaccessible by making him join the army and leave the area, so that he will be gone for years and years, while I struggle and struggle and struggle back here, all alone with no hope, unable to increase my resources at all, getting thrown out of one apartment after another, unable to improve my life, unable to prepare to have children, the goal being to waste all of time, every last bit of it, until every single child is gone from my body and I go into menopause without having any children. That is their goal.

Everyone else can have children but me, because everyone else is blind and ignorant. Only people who are ignorant of evil are allowed to have children. They’re allowed to have children if they do not know about the existence of electronic mind control. That’s not true, though – other victims have children and they know their children are also being tortured. But they know my children will be gifted and talented, because I am gifted and talented, and they know my children will be healthy, because I have the knowledge of Weston Price and how to prevent deformities and chronic illnesses and autism in children. My chilren are a threat to them. And they want to manipulate me to do ‘great things,’ and they don’t want me to be distracted by having children.

I don’t have enough time to talk about the last thing I was going to talk about. I was going to segue into it. Learning how to plan strategies for hardcore characters in an expert-level difficulty world is making me connect it to real life: I have to use my socionic role function, -Ni/+Ne. I am having problems with a coworker at TB, who became a manager, who is my superego type, IEI. I have problems with TB in general because its whole corporate culture is hostile to my personality (learned helplessness: all businesses are exactly like TB, except McDonald’s, which is THE ONLY place that I can enjoy working, and it’s becoming corrupted badly, too, so it becomes less and less of a good place to work, over the years – but I know from experience that all businesses are run by stupid, evil moronic retards from other socionic quadras who have insane retarded beliefs and mindless rituals that they perform, so there is no hope of getting another job that meets my criteria of being an EVENING job, in a location I can easily reach, a job that I can do immediately without training, which I will also enjoy and feel comfortable in because it will contain a large number of people in the Delta Quadra who I can communicate with, who are not moronic or insane).

But I was going to complain about TB, because I had several incidents where I was sick and grouchy and my conflicts at TB were much worse than usual, since I could not tolerate anything due to being very sick. I decided to write down every tiny little thing that made me angry, the last time I worked, so that I wouldn’t forget them. These things are COMPLETELY INSANE, but that is what happens when you deal with your conflicting socionic quadra. This is a perfect example of a socionic conflict, my perception that what they are doing is utterly retarded, utterly evil, and completely insane.

First, there is no such thing as a break. Remember when I wrote that in Terraria, eating food is a bonus, not a necessity? You don’t die if you don’t eat, but if you do eat, you get strengthened. Taco Bell (and all other businesses that I have ever worked at, except the grocery stores, which I hate for other reasons) views breaks as a luxury, a privilege that can be taken away, not a necessity. Eating is a luxury, an indulgence. Sitting down and de-stressing is a luxury and an indulgence. Both of the introverted Beta quadra types (LSI and IEI) get together and produce an environment where we are expected to starve, and just suck it up and deal with it. If we happen to not get anything to eat before work, it sucks to be us – everyone is expected to live a perfect lifestyle where everything works perfectly all the time and we get enough to eat at home, high calorie high energy meals that will last us for eight hours without needing a single tiny bite of food. Anyone who doesn’t have that is expected to just put up with starving.

When I am dealing with other Deltas, they ALWAYS understand that eating, and de-stressing, is necessary and important. The Betas do not. You are required to be a robot who has no physical needs, who will ju11 st keep on working and working and working without food and without rest.

But wait! I haven’t even scratched the surface yet!

And I’m gonna be late for work.

…. Okay – I’m not late, but I got here with little time to spare.

I wrote this long list on a piece of paper, and each item on the list needs to be explained, to show in depth just how completely insane it is. The short summary is, they act as though they are playing a hardcore character on the ‘expert’ setting of the game, ALL THE TIME, for every little thing. Oh my god! Cut those cardboard box flaps off, OR SOMEBODY’S GONNA DIE!

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3 Responses to “‘Nobody 0,’ the hardcore character who really dies, which will segue into a discussion of when it is appropriate to act like something is a deadly danger, and when it is not (my conflict going on with the socionic superego at TB)”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    “who really runs the world.”

    “Hint: The Zionists may be bad, but the freemasons control the Zionists, the satanists control the freemasons, and the people really in charge are WORSE than the satanists.

    I wish Gordon were joking”

    Twas KNOT ME occifer I’d not dun tit!

    lol gimc…

    laying dead in my laughter…

    e

  2. Anonymous Says:

    “(the photo looks like a starving vampire with a sunburn)”,

    OMG I was looking for a Halloween Costume!

    POST a PIC!!!

    PLEASE!!!

  3. Nicole Says:

    I will if I can remember to get new batteries for my camera. I tried to use the camera today and it was dead.

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