an evil world that throws everything into the garbage

8:51 AM 7/26/2014

All I can say, over and over again is, ‘For the love of God, WHY???’ Why would any fool buy hard, heavy, thick, immobile wooden furniture for an apartment that they were going to live in for a couple of months? Why? Because it must be a Desk. And a Desk shalt henceforth be made of Wood. And it shalt be Heavy, Thick, Durable Wood, designed to withstand a bomb blast, for the rest of eternity, regardless of how long we are planning to live here. And it shalt be abandoned and left behind for the next person to deal with, because that is the way it’s done. The next person shalt be a small, petite female working two manual labor jobs and suffering from chronic fatigue and chronic insomnia and electronic attacks. And it shalt henceforth be carried into this room by the work of several people, so that it can be used briefly for a couple of months and then abandoned.

This enormity of waste – other people have no excuse for this. I do – I didn’t know I was going to be suddenly moving out of here. And also, I’ve had to throw things away because of contamination. But other people HAVE NO EXCUSE FOR THIS. The dumpster is quickly filling up with garbage and furniture and thousands of dollars worth of things that are still perfectly usable. This is done routinely every couple of months in this town, every time college students come and go. I have OTHER PEOPLE’S heavy bombproof hundred-year furniture in my room, which I did not choose to buy.

I have my own stuff in bags. I don’t know where it will go. Maybe I’ll just sit outside the back door for a couple hours. I’m going to try to get it to the Super 8 Motel, but they don’t know if any rooms will be open yet, so I’ll have to call them after noon sometime.

It always rains when you’re moving. It rained overnight, but isn’t really rainy now, but it’s cloudy and cold, fucking cold for July, and it will probably rain again. I don’t have an apartment to move into, nor do I have another clean tent and clean new sleeping bags and sleeping mats. So I am not yet prepared to camp.

There’s more, much more, to this story, but I don’t feel like telling it now. I’m just taking a break to vent my anger and horror at all the stuff in the dumpster. Everything. People’s effort, people’s work, people’s labor, millions of hours that people spent doing labor to earn a living, all of it into the trash for nothing, because of STUPIDITY, *S*T*U*P*I*D*I*T*Y*. Stupid and evil, this entire process. It is absolutely insane and unthinkable, unimaginable. MY EFFORT, my hard physical labor, people just like me, making things and selling them and throwing it all away for nothing. My slavery, the wasted hours of my precious life, me and everyone else like me, all of the slaves, everything we do, into the dumpster.

I don’t know where I’ll go today. I also have to go to work this afternoon. I have a bunch of garbage bags full of belongings which have to be sorted out. I’ll throw a lot of them away, but not right now, just later on when I get to the hotel.

My body will survive, but I am screaming, screaming, screaming. If I screamed out loud, they would lock me away. I am screaming and crying my lungs out at all of this evil, evil world that does this to people, everything.

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