no, i haven’t given up yet

i’ve been asking this question:  ‘and what does that have to do with friendship?’

i hear voices giving me excuses for why martin won’t speak to me.  the excuses don’t really make sense to me (from the voices i hear, that is – i haven’t spoken with martin in so long, i don’t know what he himself would say for real).  they don’t explain why he cannot talk to me AT ALL.  or be friends on facebook, or anything else, anywhere, at all, in any way.

some time ago, i guess it was around thanksgiving of 2008, i wrote him a long note (on paper), and yes, it was *too* long, and i explained what had been going on.  he wrote me an answer that didn’t make sense to me.  it sounded like he was talking about emails from a very long time ago (instead of the recent ones i had been trying to send), or that he had jumped to a conclusion or he was assuming something that i didn’t understand.  but i didn’t keep trying to ask about it.

with all the excuses that i hear in my mind, i am asking:  and what does that have to do with friendship?  why can two people not even speak to each other?  why can they not even look at each other?  why can’t they even be friends on FACEBOOK, for crying out loud?  and i hate facebook, so believe me, i certainly won’t be a facebook nuisance, because i don’t use it very much.

he had a new answering message on his phone.  i haven’t even tried to call in a very long time.  i just wanted to see what would happen.

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