Scouted out a camping spot today, but didn’t set it up yet.

4:05 PM 1/24/2012

I am exhausted today, and my head still hurts from caffeine withdrawal, and I expect it to continue hurting at least till tomorrow – it hurt for three days the last time I quit caffeine.

I got a little bit more useful work done today. I walked around at one of the places where I am thinking of camping. It’s going to be a horribly long bike ride to work. When I drive it in my car, it seems short, but I know I am going to hate the bike ride. If I have to, I’ll take the bus.

But I haven’t actually started living there yet. I just walked around. I found a sort of flat spot that was a little bit away from the path, but I could still see the path from there. I have this feeling of denial about that – I say ‘Nobody will look.’ It’s quite possible that somebody will, in fact, look. I just don’t want to go really really far away from the path if I’m going to be dragging my bike through the woods.

So I might try to put up some little waterproof plastic tent-like thing there, and put some bags of stuff that I don’t mind losing, like, some bags of extra clothes that are taking up space in my car. Then I will write a note somewhere in the tent saying that yes, I live here, this isn’t abandoned, and if you want to contact me, then write to this email address. Then, if anyone finds it and says ‘Whoever this is, they’re not allowed to live here,’ and gets all angry about it, they will know who to talk to. That might prevent them from just throwing my stuff away, or something. I wouldn’t put anything there unless it was something I was willing to lose.

So I think that’s how I will start. It will be just an extra storage unit that I’m not paying for. But sooner or later I have to start sleeping there.

I liked it that there were a lot of fallen trees on the ground there. However, it also made me anxious that there was one more tree that looked rotten and looked like it could fall sometime in the future. They seem to be mostly pine trees that are falling. I chose a spot that was far enough away from the one rotten tree that it might not reach, and if it did reach, it would be blocked by several other trees that were in the way.

On another topic, it occurred to me that it would be inconvenient to study a language if I didn’t have the CD player hooked up to my netbook, but again, I can hook it up when I’m ready to. So I might not be using it just to rent movies. I was thinking about getting CDs from the library, and had a desire to get one, but realized I couldn’t. I’m not firmly committed to studying anything right now, and if I did, it would be just a temporary whim and not a completed project. Also, since I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know which language to study. Inuktitut isn’t available on library CDs everywhere, but French is, and I should probably learn French if I go to Canada.

I just feel bored and frustrated and would like to study *something*. I like challenges. But I don’t want to study anything that I’m not going to use, and I don’t want to start studying something and then abandon it later because I didn’t really want to study it or use it. Most of the time, those urges come from ‘them’ pushing me to do something while I’m under the influence of drug residues.

I’m finding it hard to think, partly because there’s nothing new to say. So I’ll just post this. I did actually do useful work today – I chose a potential spot that I am seriously considering, however, I know that I will hate the bike ride back and forth. It isn’t so much the distance as it is the hill. But it’s downhill on the way towards work, so that will be easier. The hardest part will be coming home from work. But anyway, I might have a place. I just have to start setting up the tent-like object and putting a couple of not-badly-needed belongings into it and leaving them there for now.

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